


All those fears but You

by Fijou



Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Tags and Characters to be added, seriously its not as angsty as it sounds, yohan is a scared baby thats the plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2020-10-29 15:23:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 37,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20798819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fijou/pseuds/Fijou
Summary: Yohan was scared of many things but perhaps the world wouldn't be as frightening with someone fearless by his side.Too bad he was scared of Lee Hangyul too.





	1. [one]

**Author's Note:**

> i swear in my head there's more to this story i just haven't written it yet

Yohan wasn't afraid of many things.   
Ok. That was a lie.  
He was afraid of some things. This just happened to include horror movies, the dark, at least thirty-seven different types of animals and all kinds of social events one could possibly think of. So maybe he was afraid of a lot of things.   
It didn't bother him too much as he had always been a rather easily frightened child and he supposed this was just one of those childhood traits you didn't lose as you grew up. He had learned how to deal with it over the years and now prided himself in the way he managed to live his life with little to no unexpected or scary scenarios.

Life as a college student wasn't as adventurous for him as the movies all made it out to be and he felt comfortable on campus and with the small group of people he surrounded himself with. All in all, after the first few weeks of classes, it turned out there weren't many reasons for him to be intimidated or anxious at all. 

At this point of his first semester, having lunch in the cafeteria on campus had become somewhat of a routine for him and his roommate Yuvin.   
There wasn't enough time in between classes to go back to the tiny dorm room the two shared and neither of them could afford to only live off the much more delicious snacks the coffe shop on campus had for sale. Therefore, on most days they found themselves in the cafeteria around lunch time.   
Sitting at one of the few free tables in the big open room Yohan mindlessly chewed on his barely edible cafeteria food and looked around at the many students still filing in through the open doors. Three months into his college student life he still didn't understand why no place on campus ever seemed to have enough space to actually accomodate all its students. 

He only tore his eyes away from the seemingly never-ending flow of people when he heard someone clear their throat. Startled, he sat up straight and looked up at a stranger standing in front of their little table. 

A man with dark blond hair that had been swept back lightly as if he was used to running his hands through it to keep it in place. There was a backpack slung over one of his shoulders and he was wearing a dark denim jacket that seemed to stretch a little over his rather muscular build. 

Yohan had never seen the guy before but he must have been a few years older than him judging by the way he seemed to carry himself. He didn't look any taller than Yohan himself but something about his presence demanded respect. For a moment Yohan wondered if the man even knew he had that kind of effect on people around him.   
Maybe it was just his unusual face, its strongly defined bone structure that Yohan was sure he could recognize later even after seeing it only this one time.   
Something about this guy's presence was intimidating to say the least. Surely Yohan wasn't the only one who would think that, even with his general disposition to get scared easily.

"Of course, feel free to sit down", he could suddenly hear Yuvin say from where he was sitting next to him. 

There was an elbow nudging him under the table and Yohan shook his head slightly as he realized he had probably spaced out for a second.   
With the scratching sound of his chair being dragged back on the stone floor the stranger sat down in the vacant seat across from them. It made sense Yohan supposed, most seats in the cafeteria had been taken by now.   
Drawing his gaze away from the guy's unique face and back to his own tray of food, Yohan stayed silent. His personality was usually quite easy-going and friendly but only as long as it wasn't overriden by anxiety in situations like the one he was currently in.   
Reasonably thinking he knew there was no reason to be intimidated, he didn't even need to talk to the man if he didn't want to. Which was exactly what he chose to do, albeit not going unnoticed by Yuvin who sent him a questioning look before he continued his polite conversation with the stranger. 

The guy, Lee Hangyul as Yohan learned by listening in on the two talking, had a low raspy voice which Yohan would've loved if it wasn't for the fact that it added to the intimidating factors about him. 

Although maybe if he had looked up more than once during the whole situation he would have noticed the warmth in Hangyul's smiles that seemed to come to him so easily in a setting that Yohan thought should have been uncomfortable for all of them.

"Hey, uhh...", there was a light touch to Yohan's arm accompanying the words and he looked up startled once again meeting Hangyul's eyes, "are you alright? You've been holding that glass of water for like at least 5 minutes now."

Quickly, Yohan put on what he hoped was his most convincing smile and set down the glass he had in fact been holding for far too long to be considered normal.

"Of course", he could hear how forced his own voice sounded and tried to clear his throat discreetly, "everything's perfectly fine! Thank you."

"You didn't even take a sip", Hangyul insisted but it sounded more like a question. 

Yohan couldn't even blame the guy, he must have looked ridiculous sitting there just staring into nothing. Although in his defense, it had been a pretty good strategy to avoid eye contact with the stranger sitting in front of him.   
He seemed nice enough from the snippets of conversation Yohan had picked up between him and Yuvin but there was still something unsettling in the way he looked at Yohan now. 

For a split second he considered just jumping out of his chair and running out of the room, leaving everything including his still only half-eaten meal behind. Getting some fresh air would be a good idea, Yohan reasoned with himself.   
But before he could react and make his way to the nearest emergency exit of the cafeteria, the touch on his arm was gone and Hangyul had already turned his attention back to Yuvin.

"So", Yuvin began again and Yohan genuinely appreciated his effort to steer the topic of conversation away from his awkward behaviour, "you're a first year here too?"

"Yeah, I'm - ", however, before Hangyul even had the chance to finish his sentence he was interrupted.

"What?!", Yohan exclaimed much louder than he had wanted to. He hadn't even wanted to say it at all.  
Immediately he had brought Hangyul's attention back to himself. At this point trying to fight down the blush that was surely spreading on his cheeks now was a lost cause.  
Thankfully Hangyul didn't seem to mind the remark as he let out a low chuckle.

"Don't worry", he said in a kind voice but there was a teasing tint to it as he leaned his head on one of his hands and looked at Yohan.   
Slowly his fingers tipped against his own cheek. Once. Twice.   
Yohan could feel his own cheeks burn with even more intense embarrassment as he understood what the other was hinting at. Apparently Yohan's blushing at his sudden outburst had been less than subtle.

"It's not the first time people think I'm older than my age", he then explained with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I just...", Yohan started in an attempt to save himself and the last remains of his pride, "I thought I would have remembered you if I had seen you before at the first years' events."

When Hangyul raised a single eyebrow at that Yohan knew he had just dug his own grave even deeper.  
Despite the friendly side Hangyul had shown them since he had first approached their table, Yohan had a feeling the guy mentally made a list of all the times Yohan had managed to offend him since then.   
And thanks to Yohan's exceptional social skills that list was probably getting longer by the second. He wasn't actually sure which parts of his awkward behaviour Hangyul would be bothered by but he was convinced there were many of them.   
With dreadful shock Yohan realized how rude he had been by keeping quiet and basically ignoring Hangyul's mere existence throughout this entire lunch break.

Naturally, that was what he continued to do as soon as Yuvin and Hangyul picked up their conversation again where it had been left off when Yohan had made the great mistake of even opening his mouth in the first place.   
Yohan quickly took his little leather bound notebook and a pen out of the bag resting by his feet to make himself appear busy.   
A foolproof move to excuse yourself from any social confrontation. 

Unless you were as much of a fool as Kim Yohan, he thought to himself when the sound of a chair scratching across the stone floor startled him as Hangyul stood up.   
The pen Yohan had been holding fell to the floor at his sudden movement and rolled under the table. Hastily he bent down to pick it up but then stalled when he heard Hangyul's deep voice reverberate from above the table.

"I guess I'll get going then. I really can't be late for that next class."

Yohan could tell the man was hesitating, waiting to say something else. When Yohan stayed frozen under their table and the seconds stretched on he prayed Hangyul would just take pity on him and leave without saying another word.

"Well, it was nice meeting you Yuvin and uhh...", Hangyul was hesitating again.   
Realization hit Yohan that he had never even introduced himself. Apparently he had missed that part while he had been busy noting all the intimidating aspects about Hangyul's presence.

"Yohan", he helped finish the sentence from where he was still hiding under the table. Surely it would be even more humiliating to sit back up straight now.   
Although he did hold up his hand in a desperate attempt at what he hoped would be them waving goodbye to each other.

"Right", Hangyul mumbled and Yohan could see him take a step back through his view between the table legs.

"Have a good day Yuvin", he eventually said with a sense of finality and Yohan almost let out a sigh of relief. 

However, suddenly there was something else in Yohan's line of vision as Hangyul showed him a quick peace sign under the table. The angle was awkward and it was more of an upside down peace sign but for the first time since they met, Yohan could feel a small smile tugging at his lips.

"You too, Yohan", Hangyul added on and after one last goodbye from Yuvin, Yohan could see Hangyul's legs retreat from their table.

When he was sure the other had left Yohan finally emerged from under the table, only to be met with one of Yuvin's classic looks.   
Yohan knew this one quite well. He was definitely being judged.

"Dude", was all Yuvin said and it felt like that one word carried at least ten unspoken questions.

When it became obvious that Yohan wasn't going to answer any of them unprompted Yuvin tried again.

"What's with that big gay panic you just had?"

"That wasn't some gay panic", Yohan was quick to defend himself.

As if it would make his case any better he continued: "That was just a good old regular panic."

Yuvin watched him with such an incredulous look that Yohan seriously considered just going back into hiding under his new favourite table.   
Who needed a best friend and roommate anyway.

"That guy was scary looking and I panicked, alright?", Yohan pressed on and his lips formed a small pout.

"Whatever you say", Yuvin gave up but not without clearly exaggerating the way he rolled his eyes at that.

As the two of them were picking up their trays a few minutes later to put them away and head to their next class, Yohan was still musing about their eventful encounter.

Strangely enough, Hangyul's deep voice hadn't sounded as scary when he said Yohan's name.


	2. [two]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little warning/tw since this chapter is kinda halloween themed there are mentions of fake blood and some (barely) spooky stuff!
> 
> also pls note that the rating has been changed from General Audience bc of the spooky things, mentions of alcohol and maybe some light swearing in the future
> 
> enjoy!

Throughout his teenage years Yohan had taken many personality tests. They varied from love compatibility tests in cheap magazines he had borrowed from a friend when he was fourteen years old and had a crush on the cute new boy in his class, to a quiz that would tell him which colour he should paint his bedroom.   
These days, as a full-grown adult and university student, Yohan still valued the Buzzfeed online tests he took frequently.  
Although he didn't actually believe they could tell him anything about himself. He had stopped putting his full trust into this type of media when the love compatibility test in middle school had promised him a positive outcome, only for his crush to promptly reject Yohan's confession the next day.   
Now he took the online quizzes out of habit, a little curiosity and mostly simply to pass the time whenever he was bored.

Sitting on the small sofa he and Yuvin had somehow managed to cram into their little shared dorm room, he drew his legs up to his body and clicked on the next page of the personality quiz currently opened on his phone.   
It was a saturday evening, his first free day that week, and Yohan was content to just stay snuggled up under his blanket and take stupid online tests for the rest of the night. The blanket wasnt actually necessary but within the first few days of october the temperature had dropped a little and Yohan would use any excuse to get cozy and just relax for once.  
The next question popped up on his phone screen and a slight frown appeared on Yohan's face as he read it out loud to himself.

"Which season in the year is your favourite?"

A classic. Yohan's shoulders slumped slightly as he thought about his answer. He had read this question many times before but his answer to it changed as often as the one about his favourite colour did.   
As he tried to choose one of the options, bottom lip drawn in between his front teeth in exaggerated concentration, his gaze landed on something across the room.   
There, on Yuvin's bed, lay a bunch of clean socks that were yet to be folded and put away. On top of the pile of socks Yohan spotted a pair of obnoxiously orange and black ones.   
A snort escaped Yohan's lips as he looked at what were undoubtedly Yuvin's favourite halloween themed socks. Much to Yohan's dismay, Yuvin still hadn't thrown them out since he had gotten them as a present in high school.   
At that moment, Yohan could swear the little faces in the carved pumpkins and bats knitted into the socks were actually looking straight at him.   
Quickly he shook his head and laughed at his own ridiculous thoughts. 

However, those hated socks did remind him how much he dreaded the upcoming halloween season. Just earlier that day Yohan had involuntarily seen an advertisement on a Youtube video that had him screaming at a jumpscare.   
He truly did hate the time around halloween.   
With the frown on his face back in full force he turned his attention back to his phone screen and the question it presented.

"My favourite season", he mumbled to himself, "anything but fall."

And just as he was about to click on the little picture that had summer written on it, the door to his bedroom burst open.   
Yohan winced at the noise when the door hit the chest of drawers they had placed in the small space behind it. In the doorframe stood Yuvin, a smile on his face that was much too bright considering he just came home from a shift at his part-time job. 

"What's up", Yuvin greeted excitedly as he stepped into the room and shut the door close with more force than probably needed.   
One of these days they were gonna receive a noise complaint, Yohan was sure it would happen before the end of their first semester.

"Why are you in such a good mood?", Yohan asked suspiciously. 

Instinctively he tried to lean back into the sofa to be out of reach when the other attempted to ruffle his hair as he walked by to put his backpack down by the side of his bed.  
The smile on his roommate's face grew at that and Yohan wasn't sure what to make of that either.

"Seungyoun is coming to pick us up soon", Yuvin finally decided to explain.

"Seungyoun is picking up who?", Yohan asked again, even more confused at that answer. 

He had met the older student multiple times and would consider him a friend but usually he didn't accompany him and Yuvin when the two went out together.   
The two other boys had naturally been drawn together at the beginning of the semester despite Seungyoun being their college senior by almost 2 years. Yohan didn't actually know how they became such close friends but he supposed friendships just came to them easily.   
By the end of their first week on campus it had felt to Yohan like Yuvin already got to know the whole student body anyway. Now, almost at the end of the first semester it seemed Yohan knew at least some of them too, if only by association through Yuvin.

"You and me", Yuvin elaborated simply but there was a hint of mischief glinting in his eyes, "the music deparment organized a fair around their bulding on campus."

As if to protect himself from his best friend's plans Yohan pulled the blanket around him up to his chin.

"Why can't we just hang out here", he whined with a childish pout. 

He truly loved spending time with Yuvin and Seungyoun but he had sworn to himself he wouldn't leave this sofa that night for anything other than maybe getting some food.

"Come on loser", Yuvin whined back at him as if the affectionate insult would help his case, "it's gonna be fun! We haven't gone to an event like this in a while."

Indeed, Yohan grew a little curious what type of event they were even talking about but he wouldn't give Yuvin the satisfaction of him asking about it.   
He needed to stay stubborn for a little longer, especially after he had just been called a loser. The point he had to prove was that staying in on the weekend didn't validate any insult of that sort.

"I'm busy", Yohan eventually concluded his own thoughts and gave his roommate standing in the middle of their room a challenging look.

Yuvin just laughed at that. 

"I bet 10 dollars that's some personality test you're doing on your phone right now."

Sometimes Yohan really regretted befriending Yuvin in middle school. After all this time he knew him a little too well.

Yuvin stopped rummaging through the pile of clothes on his bed to look at Yohan again and sent him a playful wink.

"Go out with us tonight or you owe me money for that bet", he teased in a sing-song voice.

"I didn't even say I'd take up any bet", Yohan grumbled and pulled the blanket up over his head completely to muffle his frustrated sigh. 

He knew he'd lost this round of whatever strange game he and Yuvin played whenever they aimed to agree on something.   
It wasn't like he didn't enjoy going out per se. He genuinely enjoyed meeting new people and he liked being around Yuvin and their mutual friends.   
Unlocking his phone while still under his covers he squinted at the bright screen. With another exaggerated sigh he closed Buzzfeed's website. He'd have to find another day to see the result and learn what his soulmate's favourite flower would be.

Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door that seperated their dorm room from the hallway and Yohan peeked out from under the blanket to check if Yuvin would open it. He did just that and opened his arms for a short hug as soon as Cho Seungyoun stepped into their room.  
Yohan watched the exchange from where he was still lying on the small old sofa. Seungyoun was clearly ready to go out despite his only lazily styled hair and simple outfit. The distinctive style that somehow always made him look good without showing that he put in any effort at all. 

Seungyoun's smile widened when he spotted Yohan on the sofa and he immediately threw himself in the small space next to him.

"Are you planning to bring that blanket with you to the fair?", he asked and made himself comfortable on Yohan's legs.

"A bold look, that blanket cape", he added, "but I'm not one to judge."

Yohan opened his mouth to defend himself but then his eyes landed on Yuvin who must have changed his outfit without Yohan even noticing. Disappointed Yohan closed his mouth again and looked down at himself in his pyjamas.

"Fine", he reluctantly gave in and pushed his friend off his legs so he could stand up. Finally he shrugged off the blanket in favour of grabbing a towel from where they were hanging on their door.

He stepped back out of the tiny bathroom attached to their bedroom a few minutes later and already felt a little more optimistic after taking a short shower. Seungyoun and Yuvin were still in the room but had their backs turned towards him as they went through the old dresser next to their sofa.

"We're almost done picking out an outfit for you", Seungyoun said and Yohan stood up straight from how he was ruffling his wet hair with a towel to look at his friend.

"Also I kinda broke this thing but Yuvin said it's fine because the drawer is old and ugly anyway", he turned halfway to Yohan and showed him a knob that had previously been glued to his dresser.

"Whatever", Yohan said, only slightly annoyed at how little apologetic Seungyoun had sounded. When his hair was dry enough so he wouldn't catch a cold he let himself fall back onto his bed with one of his many overdramatic sighs.  
But shortly after something hit the wall behind his bed with a loud crack and he instinctively shot up from where he had been lying down.   
The old knob of his drawer had landed at the other end of the mattress after it hit the wall.

"Get up loser", Yuvin said and grabbed his hands to drag him onto his feet, "we're gonna make you look good tonight."

Yohan knew there was no point resisting his friends' antics so he allowed himself to get swept along by their excitement.  
When he was done changing his outfit to the one they had chosen for him and Seungyoun had pushed back a part of his hair with managed ease, Yohan had to admit he liked the look they went for. 

It was simple enough for an event on campus with its black jeans, grey t-shirt and a dark green denim jacket Yuvin had bought a few weeks ago. He wouldn't actually tell his best friend but he was grateful he lent him his clothes.   
At least he would feel comfortable and confident in himself in case they introduced him to new people that night.

"Who are we meeting at the fair?", Yohan asked when he put on his sneakers and Seungyoun sprayed some light perfume on all of them as a finishing touch.

"Just some of my friends", he answered vaguely and put the perfurme back to where he had taken it from on Yohan's desk.

"Seungyoun", Yohan deadpanned and stopped tying his shoelaces to look at him, "you are friends with literally everyone who studies at this university."

The older boy just shrugged his shoulders at that and took out his phone from the back pocket of his jeans to check the time.

"We really gotta go now", he urged them and pointedly turned to Yuvin who was still seemingly searching for something hidden in the pile of fresh clothes on his bed.

"Just one second", he pleaded, "I'm missing the highlight of my outfit."

When he found what he had been looking for and triumphantly held it up in the air for them to see he shouted "yES!" at the same time as Yohan exlaimed a shocked "NO".

Dangling from Yuvin's hands was his beloved pair of halloween themed socks. And as if the mocking faces of the carved pumpkins on these socks triggered a memory Yohan suddenly realized which event they had been talking about this whole time.   
Earlier that week, when he had been rushing to get to his 8am class on time, a flyer for an event on campus had smacked him right in the face. Irritated by the disruption and in his rush he hadn't paid the piece of paper much mind.  
However, now that he was staring at Yuvin as he put on his obnoxious halloween socks he believed he could remember some of the things printed on that flyer.  
Words in bright orange writing appeared in his mind. Music department. Halloween fair.

"This whole thing is so dumb", Yohan grumbled his at least 10th complaint since they had left their dorm building, "it's like 3 more weeks till halloween."

"You do know I'm part of the music department who planned this event, right?", Seungyoun asked, pretend hurt making his voice go a little higher than usual.

"Yes", Yohan said without breaking the scowl on his face, "which is why it's absolutely no surprise that this idea is dumb."

Yohan decided to try and tune out Yuvin's voice when he spoke up to support Seungyoun and rambled on about how Yohan just did not "know how to appreciate the spooky season."  
Instead he looked around them as they made their way across campus to where the building of the music department was.  
There were quite a few students heading in the same direction as them and a crowd of people had formed surrounding the bulding by the time they reached it.  
Seungyoun for one was ecstatic at the success of their event and the number of people who clearly loved a little early halloween as he pointed out to Yohan. Despite their banter Yohan couldn't bring himself to ruin that for him. Although he was pretty sure most students who had gathered there were just looking for a place and reason to get drunk on a saturday night.

So he kept quiet and just tried to stay close to his friends as the they made their way into the small crowd and all sense for personal space was lost around him.  
When they slowed down after a while and came to a stop in front of one of the side entrances of the building reflief flooded Yohan. 

It was less crowded in the shadow of the building and he was happy to realize that he recognized a few of the people Seungyoun immediately greeted with tight hugs.   
He had already spotted Seungwoo and Byungchan a few seconds before they reached them, their height making them stand out together above the people rushing past them. They weren't paticularly close friends of Yohan since they were a few semesters ahead of him but they got along well.   
Secretly, or not so secretly as Yuvin teased him more than once, he admired Seungyoun's friends quite a bit. Perhaps he could call them his own friends soon too. He certainly hoped so.  
Therefore, despite his initial animosity towards the whole event, he could feel his mood brighten at the sight of a few familiar faces.

But then he took his final step out of the stream of people still walking into the opposite direction and properly looked at the group of men standing under the festival lights hung on the side of the building.  
Next to Seungwoo's tall frame stood a much smaller guy and it should have been no surprise that Yohan didn't spot him from afar.  
However, now that he was standing right in front of him it was very much a surprise.

Yuvin reacted quickly and draped his arms around Lee Hangyul in an enthusiastic hug.

"Hangyul, right?", he asked with one arm still resting on the man's shoulder, "nice to meet you again."

"Good to see you two again too", Hangyul responded and sent Yohan a smile that had Yohan blinking twice within a split second.

Yohan had only met Hangyul once weeks ago and since then he had done his very best to ban the memory from his conscious mind.   
Yuvin had brought it up a few times to tease him about it but has since given up because Yohan refused to ever talk about the situation again. It wasn't one of his proudest moments.  
So Yohan could try to deny it all he wanted but the man standing in front of him now was undoubtedly the same guy they had lunch with a while ago. The ordinary situation shouldn't have left much of an impression on Yohan but it did. 

And as he looked at Hangyul now he vividly remembered why. The festival lights above shone down on them and cast odd shadows on Hangyul's face.   
They didn't distort his handsome face completely but the lines of his jaw and cheekbones appeared stronger and harsher under the flickering string of lights.   
Yohan dropped his gaze when Hangyul finally broke the eyecontact and directed his smiling face at Yuvin again who seemed to bombard him with questions.   
With his eyes drawn downwards Yohan noticed that Hangyul was wearing black ripped jeans. Resolutely Yohan ignored the voice in his head that noted how good those pants looked on the man and instead focused on a more pressing matter.   
Surely someone who wore ripped jeans in october could not be trusted. Matching it with the leather jacket Hangyul was wearing on top of it caused Yohan to feel even more intimidated than he had when they had first met.

His train of thought was only interrupted when another new person joined their little group. The man snaked one of his arms around Seungyoun's waist in a curt hug for a greeting.   
And if Yohan hadn't already known the guy, the smile on Seungyoun's face would have given his identity away either way.   
It was no well kept secret that Seungyoun had a crush on Kim Wooseok. Gossip travelled fast on campus and Seungyoun was never one to try and hide his feelings anyway. The way he looked at Wooseok with barely concealed adoration at all times was less than subtle.

"Now that Wooseok is here", Seungyoun exclaimed and clapped his hands together once to gain everyone's attention, "who is ready for the haunted basement?"

Silence followed where Seungyoun had clearly expected an energetic reaction.

"Come on guys", he said and looked at each of them with a pout, "me and my classmates worked so hard on that. It's basically a haunted house but we couldn't afford one of these cabins you usually rent so we just used the creepy basement we have here anyway."

"And...", Byungchan took pity on him and was the first one to reply, "that's supposed to make us want to do it?"

"Yeah, no thanks", Seungwoo agreed, "sorry Seungyoun. I'm sure it's great but Byungchan and I will just meet you guys again afterwards."

Seungwoo looked like he genuinely felt bad for turning them down and for a moment Yohan wondered if that was how nice friends acted. With Yuvin as his only close reference example he wasn't sure he could relate.

"You two are just too scared to go in", Seungyoun accused them but there was no malice in his voice.

"That's exactly what we're saying", Byungchan confirmed and shrugged his shoulders, "nothing wrong with admitting that."

Standing next to Seungyoun, Yohan slowly shrunk in on himself.   
It took a certain kind of bravery to admit when you were scared. Something Yohan was aware he lacked greatly.   
While he was still trying to decide whether he should speak up to somehow try and escape this situation Yuvin cleared his throat.

"Actually I'll have to leave for a moment too", he said and he was standing on his tiptoes, his gaze following something or someone in the crowd around them.

"Yohanie", he called out affectionately and turned to him to pet his head lightly, "call me if you need anything, alright?"

Yohan could feel everyone's eyes on him. 

"Just shut up and go", he complained and rolled his eyes at his friend's overprotective behaviour. 

He just hoped there was no blush rising on his cheeks at everyone's undivided attention on him.  
Despite his harsh words Yohan accepted a hug from Yuvin who whispered one more thing into his ear: 

"I'm serious, call me if you get uncomfortable or anxious."

After all, Yohan knew he could always count on Yuvin. A little smile on his face betrayed his next actions as he shoved Yuvin away from himself.

"You are so embarrassing", Yohan mumbled as he pushed him into the the direction most people walked past them.  
And with that Yuvin left to chase after whatever girl or boy he had a crush on that week.  
Seungwoo and Byungchan saw this as their cue to leave too but with a promise to meet up again soon.

"Well, at least we can still go in as pairs of two", Seungyoun said with a barely dampened mood as he looked at their group of friends that had drastically declined in numbers.

Yohan looked around and tensed when he realized that other than Seungyoun and himself only Wooseok and Hangyul had remained.  
He had a sneaking suspicion how Seungyoun wanted to divide their little group for the haunted basement and he promptly got proven right.

"Wooseok", Seungyoun all but purred and grabbed the arm of the boy next to him, "you won't ditch me too, right?"

There was a frown on Wooseok's face and Yohan silently wished he would refuse to participate. If only to give Yohan a chance to excuse himself too without looking like the bad guy alone.

"You're lucky you're cute", Wooseok sighed and Seungyoun's hopeful smile widened at the same time as Yohan's dropped.

"Perfect! You guys have met before too, right?", Seungyoun turned his attention back to Yohan and Hangyul and waited until Yohan nodded his head at the question, "good, so there really shouldn't be any more problems I guess."

The familiar feeling of light panic began to tickle in Yohan's chest but he tried to force it back down.  
Suddenly Hangyul was standing right next to him and interrupted Seungyoun with a kind but assertive voice.

"But we don't have to go in", he said as if he had sensed Yohan's discomfort despite his effort to hide it.

He gave Yohan an encouraging smile and Yohan understood what he was trying to say. Hangyul was trying to help him.   
But somehow all Yohan's brain registered in that moment was that Hangyul had been able to look right through him. Hangyul could tell he was panicking again and for some reason this was as scary as it was embarrassing to Yohan.

"Sure, I would be kinda disappointed if you guys bail too", Seungyoun said and Yohan willed his eyes away from Hangyul's to look at him, "but if you two want to wait out here instead I don't really care." 

For a second Yohan allowed himself to consider both of his options. The haunted basement would probably include a number of things he was scared of.   
It would be dark, spiderweb and gruesome things everywhere, jumpscares around every corner.   
However, deciding against this option would mean he had to spend the whole time their friends were gone alone with Lee Hangyul. Awkward conversations with an intimidating guy that he had massively embarrassed himself in front of and who Yohan suspected might actually be part of some kind of gang. Based on his fashion choices Yohan thought his suspicion wasn't too far off.   
At least in a haunted house they would hopefully be too distracted to actually have to talk to each other, Yohan thought to himself as he came to a decision.

He was terrified of what the haunted basement might house but in that moment he was more scared of having to talk to Hangyul.

"No, let's do it", he finally said out loud, "I love haunted houses and halloween stuff."

Hangyul arched an eyebrow at that but if he didn't believe Yohan's words he decided not to mention it.

The haunted house event turned out to be two different routes in the basement of the building of the music department. The floor hadn't been used since the upstairs had been renovated years ago so it hadn't taken much for the students to convince their professors to allow using it for their fair.   
The only rule they had insisted on was that the other students would have to be in at least groups of two just in case something happened while they participated in the event.   
The way Seungyoun told them about it was surely meant to be reassuring but it had the opposite effect on Yohan who had been trying to convince himself nothing could possibly go wrong in that basement.

When they walked down another flight of stairs a big purple sign marked the entrance to the supposedly haunted section of the building.   
A boy, who Yohan thought he might have seen at one of the obligatory events for the new students and Seungyoun introduced as Sihun, placed a random stamp on each of their wrists.

"Making wristbands would have been too expensive", Sihun explained as he guided the four other boys to two doors at the end of the room.

"These are the two routes we prepared", he continued and pointed at both couples to stand in front of their respective entries, "if you need anything while you're in there... actually I don't know, we didn't think that far ahead. Just keep walking I guess."

The way Sihun simply shrugged his shoulders at his own statement did nothing to calm Yohan's rising nerves. He could feel his hands start to shake a little and formed them into fists, hoping that would cease the trembling.   
Sihun opened the door for them and Yohan took one more glance at Hangyul who was standing next to him. He seemed to be almost bored by the whole situation.

"Yohan", Seungyoun suddenly called from his other side and grinned at him, "remember when the ghosts come too close just use some taekwondo tricks on them."

Then Yohan stepped over the threshold with Hangyul by his side.

To Yohan's surprise there was no immediate reason for him to scream just as he entered what he thought could well be considered his personal idea of hell. Darkness surrounded him and Hangyul as they took some tentative steps further and although it made him uneasy he had expected worse.   
There was a red neon light in the shape of an arrow placed on the wall and they followed in its direction.

When the silence grew awkward Yohan decided to speak after what felt like an eternity to him but had probably barely been a minute. His voice echoed in the quiet around them. 

"I didn't know you were friends with Seungyoun", he tried for what he hoped would pass as an appropriate conversation starter. 

Earlier he had wished he could avoid any conversation at all but so far the haunted basement didn't prove to be as much of a distraction as he had anticipated.

"Oh, he and I have actually been friends for quite some time", Hangyul took up the topic Yohan had offered, "we used to be in the same dance team when we were younger."

A wave of relief helped relax Yohan's features when he realized that Hangyul didn't need much of a push to carry on a conversation someone initiated.   
He talked about his teenage years spent with Seungyoun in small dance studios and their talent show during middle school. If his words were true to believe Yohan had gathered some valuable information he could use to tease Seungyoun.

However, he also learned a little about Lee Hangyul. Not only from the few stories he shared but by how he opened up in a conversation. Even the way he talked and laughed at his own jokes seemed to expose something about his personality.

Yohan had trouble matching what he picked up from their few shared sentences with the scary image he had conjured up of Hangyul. The fact that he couldn't see the man, only hear his footsteps and deep voice, contributed to that. Somehow it calmed the anxiety he felt when he was around him. Perhaps the darkness was his friend for once.

When they rounded a corner of the corridor they were walking down a children's lullaby could be heard faintly. The path ahead of them was suddenly illuminated by a red light.   
As Yohan tried to locate the source of the strange light he noticed fake spiderweb all over the walls. Beneath the layer of halloween decorations a banner read: Beware of what's to come.

Instinctively he took a step away from the wall and closer to Hangyul.

The latter nudged Yohan slightly with his shoulder and smiled at him as if he hadn't even noticed the warning displayed in red writing which was definitely supposed to resemble blood. In Yohan's opinion the imitation was very convincing.

"Are you really just gonna ignore that?", Yohan said and returned Hangyul's smile with an incredulous look.

"It's supposed to be a haunted house after all", his voice sounded completely indifferent to their surroundings, "we're getting what we paid for."

"This thing had a free entry", Yohan corrected him but a small smile appeared on his face.

"And that's a good", Hangyul continued, "I'd feel bad if you had paid actual money just to feel as miserable as you seem to be right now."

"I'm not scared", Yohan defended his pride and crossed his arms over his chest.   
If that helped hide his shaking hands he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity.

"Whatever you say", the other laughed and started walking down the corridor again. 

Disproving his claim immediately Yohan hurried to keep up with him so he wouldn't fall behind.

Feeling increasingly constricted in his denim jacket as he grew more anxious with every passing second, Yohan decided to take the piece of clothing off and carry it instead.   
It would hopefully help him breathe a little easier.

"So Seungyoun mentioned you do taekwondo?", Hangyul picked up their conversation again and Yohan was grateful that it drew his attention away from the bloody footsteps on the floor beneath him.

Typically if one wanted to enjoy a halloween attraction the constant talking would be bothersome but Yohan could tell Hangyul was trying to make him feel more at ease. Yohan wouldn't admit it but he succeeded with that too. 

As it turned out Hangyul had learnt taekwondo for many years too and it was easier for Yohan to engage in a conversation now that they had unexpectedly found a common interest.

"So I was standing there at this taekwondo competition", Hangyul continued the story he was currently telling Yohan about, "and this girl really came up to me and asked if I do karate because - my body is kickin'."

For the first time since Yohan had left the safety of his sofa that evening he laughed out loud.

"I mean not only was that a terrible pick-up line", Hangyul complained but smiled at Yohan's reaction, "but I wasn't even doing kara-"

His sentence was abruptly interrupted as Yohan let out a loud scream and turned to hide behind Hangyul's back.

Someone dressed up as a ghost had sprung out behind a corner while the two had been immersed in their conversation.   
With an evil laugh the person went back into hiding and the whole interaction had only lasted for a second.  
A very much traumatic second for Yohan.  
He was clutching Hangyul's back with his eyes shut close and his hands grasping at the other boy's sides.

"Are you okay?", Hangyul asked and tried to turn his head in Yohan's direction. He was obviously amused but his voice was soft and kind.

"No", Yohan admitted but his voice squeaked slightly and it sounded more like a question. He wasn't ready to give up his pride and proper composure in front of Hangyul yet.

"Come on", the other laughed and urged Yohan to stand by his side again, "I wasn't even done telling my amazing story yet! I have so many more bad karate pick-up lines to share."

Hangyul truly hadn't been lying when he said he knew some questionable pick-up lines that would distract Yohan.   
As they kept making their way down the haunted basement route Yohan's mind was only half occupied by the creepy music playing in the background and the occasional jumpscare. The other half was him wondering how many dumb jokes Hangyul could possibly tell while they were stuck in this situation. 

The humour was so unfitting for their surroundings and Hangyul's scary first impression that it led Yohan to be more confused than anything. He supposed that was better than feeling frightened.

"Yohan", Hangyul said after a few more steps to gain the other boy's attention again.

"Hmm", was all Yohan replied as he unconsciously moved even closer to the other.

"Remember when you said you love haunted houses and halloween stuff?"

"Oh shut up", Yohan grunted and hit Hangyul's arm lightly. 

Something he quickly worried was probably not a good idea. Even after their friendly banter Yohan thought Hangyul was likely someone he shouldn't mess with.

As the minutes went on their conversation continuously grew even more one-sided than it had already been to begin with.   
At that moment Yohan had trouble focusing on anything other than his own breathing and when he tried to force his attention back to the man next to him it was brutally cut short.   
Something on the floor caused Yohan to trip and he would have fallen face first onto the floor if it hadn't been for Hangyul reaching out. His arms found Yohan within a split second and he held him close as he attempted to steady his own footing. 

"Are you okay?", he asked for a second time that night but this time there was no hint of amusement in his voice.

Just as Yohan was about to respond and try to brush the situation off nonchalantly the lightbulb above their heads flickered and shone light on what he had stumbled over.  
A pair of legs was lying in the middle of the corridor. The part where the upper body should be was covered by a white sheet with red stains. It was obvious with just one glance that the legs belonged to a doll but Yohan still flinched at the sight.

The only response he could muster up for Hangyul's question was a little whimper escaping his lips as he shook his head.  
The flickering light cast scary shadows on Hangyul's face and Yohan missed how his forehead creased with worry.

"Let's just get out of here", Hangyul said determined and moved a little closer to Yohan to nudge him in the right direction.

A shiver ran down Yohan's back and he felt cold.   
So cold.

"W-wait", he stuttered and looked around, panic making itself comfortable around his heart, "my jacket. It's gone."

"Your jacket?", Hangyul was clearly confused at the sudden change of topic.

"Yes! My green jacket, the one I was holding earlier. I don't have it with me anymore", Yohan could hear his own voice as if it belonged to someone else. 

Rationally thinking, he knew that his jacket really did not matter in this situation. Once they were finally done with this whole event they could just send Sihun or one of the others in to grab it for them.   
But in that moment there was no way he would walk even one more step without it.

"I need it", Yohan emphasized although he hated how childish he probably sounded.

Yohan fully expected to hear a loud, deep laugh. Hangyul had been so calm and unfazed by the horror pranks around them he would surely think Yohan's panic was hilarious.  
However, a laugh never came.

Instead Hangyul spoke up in soft voice: "Okay, just stay here. I'll be back in a second."

And with that, Yohan was left alone. 

After he counted to five and let a few more seconds pass his breathing finally calmed down. The embarrassing gravity of the situation hit him all at once and he let out a long sigh as he slid down the wall to sit on the floor for a moment. His panic hadn't fully subdued his sense of shame and he suddenly felt incredibly silly.   
Frustratedly he ran a hand through his hair that Seungyoun had spent so much time styling. He kicked the fake pair of legs lying next to him and they rolled over a little with no other effect.  
Over the children's lullaby still playing from an unseen speaker Yohan thought he could hear Hangyul curse not too far away.

"I'm sorry it took me a moment to find it", Yohan's head jerked up at Hangyul's voice from where he had rested it on his knees to block out his surroundings.

Hangyul crouched down in front of Yohan's sitting form and held Yuvin's green denim jacket out for him to see in the dim lighting.

"But I think quite a bit of fake blood got on it. I'm sorry about that", he explained and turned the piece of clothing a little so Yohan could make out the big red spots on the fabric.

But when Yohan drew his gaze away from the stained jacket and back to Hangyul he could still see red.  
There was a dark red liquid dripping down Hangyul's right cheekbone and without giving himself a second to think about it Yohan reached out as if in shock.

Impulsively he cupped both sides of the other boy's face with his hands to get a closer look. The action almost sent Hangyul tumbling on top of him if he hadn't held himself up with a hand on the wall next to Yohan's head.

"What's that?", Yohan asked in a panicked voice without even realizing how close their faces were, "you're okay, right?"

"What do you mean?", Hangyul asked confused by the question or the sudden movement. 

Trying to understand what Yohan was staring at he placed his hand on his own cheek and over Yohan's hand.

"Oh, that's just fake blood too", he reassured Yohan when he felt the wetness on his own cheek, "I had to pass that dressed up ghost again and the idiot in that costume thought it was funny to smear it on my face."

Yohan stared at his face for a second longer.

"I think that ghost is actually Yeongsang", Hangyul continued when it became clear that Yohan wasn't going to comment anything.

Yohan didn't know anyone named Yeongsang but he almost felt sorry for the guy. Hangyul didn't seem too bothered or mad about his little prank but Yohan would advise him to emigrate to a different country. Just in case.   
He hadn't disproven his theory yet that Hangyul might be a member of some gang.  
Maybe that was why he was immune to anything scary.

"Yohan?", the deep voice pulled Yohan out of his thoughts and he quickly dropped his hands when he realized he had still been holding Hangyul's face.

"Are you feeling a little better?", Hangyul asked again and his hand moved to Yohan's forehead to brush against the hair that was now falling onto his face in messy strands. 

With a quick touch of his hand Hangyul moved the hair back into place similar to how Seungyoun had pulled it back.

"I liked that hairstyle", he said and let out a low chuckle. 

Yohan couldn't really tell if he was being made fun of and it just added to the confusing whirlwind of emotions he had to deal with that night.

However, before he could think of what he was expected to reply to that Hangyul had already stood up from where he had been crouching down.

"Let's go", he said and held out a hand for Yohan to take and help him up, "we should really get out of here now"

Hesitating for one more moment, Yohan eventually took Hangyul's hand and straightened his aching legs again. Hangyul was holding out the dark green jacket for him to take and Yohan tried to free his hand the other was still holding to take it from him.  
But Hangyul just tightened the grip on his hand and put Yuvin's jacket in Yohan's other free hand instead.

And when he turned to finally lead them out of this haunted basement he carefully intertwined his fingers with Yohan's.

By the time the two were sitting on a bench outside the music department building the night had grown dark.  
The fair festivities behind them were still going but the stars had come out to join them.   
Yohan was looking up at them shining in the night sky when he felt something being placed on his shoulders.

Startled by the action he looked around himself and realized that Hangyul had put his leather jacket on him. Yohan hadn't even realized he'd been shaking in the october air but he could see his own hands trembling in his lap now.

"I could wear this, you know" he protested and pointed to the stained denim jacket lying on the bench between them but it sounded weak even to his own ears. If he did the fake blood would mess up even more of his clothes.

"It's fine", Hangyul assured and leaned back to watch the people pass by at the fair, "I'm not the type to get cold easily."

"Or scared", Yohan mumbled quietly but judging by the way the boy next to him laughed it hadn't gone unheard.

If Hangyul had wanted to comment something on that he was interrupted by the sound signalling an incoming text on his phone.

"It's Seungyoun", he explained when he checked it, "he says they got out of the basement way before us so they went to meet up with Seungwoo and Byungchan again."

"You can go join them if u want", Yohan reminded him in case he was being a nuisance.

"I told you I'll wait until Yuvin comes to pick you up."

Calling Yuvin had been the first thing Yohan had done as soon as he regained his freedom from the haunted basement and his friend had promised to meet him as soon as possible.

As if he had heard them talking about him Yuvin spotted them from where he was walking along the sidewalk and waved at them.

"Hey guys", he greeted them when he reached their little sitting spot and was standing in front of them, "ready to call it a night?"

"Yeah", Yohan agreed and got up quickly to stand next to him, "sorry I ruined your jacket."

"You wha-", Yuvin was halfway through forming a question when he changed his mind.

"You know what I'm too tired to deal with that right now", he opted to say instead and sent Hangyul a smile, "goodnight Hangyul and thank you! I'm sure we'll see you around."

Yohan knew a thank you from his part would be appropriate if not even necessary too after everything the other had done for him that evening. But he kept quiet and just showed a tightlipped smile as he handed Hangyul his jacket back.

"I'll look forward to it", Hangyul said to Yuvin but his eyes were on Yohan.

"I can't believe you actually went into a haunted house type of thing", Yuvin reacted after Yohan told him how he had spent the past hour or so.

They walked back to their dorm since it was nearby on campus and Yohan appreciated the chance to look at the stars a little longer and think about his reply to that. Telling the truth felt right in that moment.

"At the time I thought talking alone with Hangyul outside would be scarier than that haunted house."

"At the time?", Yuvin repeated Yohan's words and sent his friend a curious look, "you've changed your mind since then?"

Yohan knew he was still intimidated by Hangyul. He knew that he got scared and nervous about how to act around him.  
But maybe a haunted house was just a little scarier than Lee Hangyul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not to be annoying but its really so much easier to write when i know that anyone reads this at all,, so if u do pls let me know through some comments or kudos <3
> 
> also thank you to the one person who shared this fic on twitter! i see u and it made my week


	3. [three]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cant believe we're 16k words into this fic and the main characters still say they're strangers... is this considered slow burn yet

College life became more serious quickly and Yohan felt the full effects of his first exams week at university. A few months ago choosing business as his college major until he could figure out what he truly wanted to do with his life after he decided not to pursue a professional taekwondo career had seemed like a great idea. It was a responsible thing to do and Yohan had been quite proud of himself, fully believing that he could handle business classes for first year students as long as those didn't involve advanced maths knowledge. Now he was not so sure anymore.  
Thankfully the maths portion of his business studies didn't require an exam just yet in the first semester so Yohan had kept convincing himself he would be fine once it was time to hand in his other papers.  
With his head resting on top of his laptop keyboard now while sitting in one of their university's uncomfortable library chairs it became clear that he would in fact not be fine.  
His midterm paper about economy relations between europe and the US in the late 20th century was due in two days but Yohan couldn't put his mind to writing it no matter how hard he tried. How he was supposed to be qualified to write an academic text on this topic after only one basic business class was beyond him. It wasn't like he had ever even been to europe or the US let alone in the 20th century.  
The coffee he had bought a while ago from a vending machine in hopes that it would help against his drowsiness after hours of attempted studying stood next to his opened laptop and pile of books. The little remaining coffee in it had gone cold long ago.  
With his eyes closed and deep breaths passing his relaxed lips the document on his laptop screen still moved along quickly. The weight of his head was pressing the same letter key endlessly as Yohan was deep asleep.

When Yohan woke up the ray of sunlight that had been bothering him and reflected off his laptop's screen all day was gone. As he blinked his eyes open he looked up at the window to his left blearily and realized with increasing confusion that it seemed to be completely dark outside. The big windows in the library offered a great view on the prettier part of their college's campus but instead of students rushing past there were only the stars blinking back at him. The only light surrounding him was the faint moonlight streaming in through the old glass and the bright glow of his laptop's screen.   
In the dark the white background of the document on screen stood out starkly and Yohan had to avert his eyes for a moment.  
When his vision slowly adjusted to the lack of lighting and after he rubbed his eyes one more time he turned to look back at the document again.   
It showed a total of thirty-eight pages instead of the two Yohan remembered writing for the introductory part of the essay.   
Scrolling further down, Yohan felt like he was being screamed at by a voiceless office document. A seemingly never-ending string of "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA" was blaring at him and took up the entirety of his paper.   
His eyes scanned the pages with rising dread one more time when his eyes caught something in the corner of the screen.

The little digital clock of his laptop read 1.27am.  
Somehow that finally snapped him out of his still half-asleep state and his eyes darted back and forth between the digital numbers and the moon outside the window as dread quickly developed into panic.  
With slightly trembling hands he scrambled the pile of books on his desk in search for his phone. When his hands finally found the familiar object he pushed the button on its side frenziedly.  
However, the numbers appearing on his phone's screen just confirmed the time of night.   
At once any sleepiness he had possibly still felt disappeared and the situation he was in started to sink in.

He had spent his day in the library in hopes of getting closer to finishing his paper but as it seemed he shouldn't have stayed up late the night before. At the time watching another episode of his favourite show had felt good but he had to pay for the way he determined his priorities and he learned that the hard way now.   
Without even realizing it he must have fallen asleep at some point during the hours he'd spent staring at his laptop screen.

The table he was still sitting at was on the second floor of their university's library, pushed into a small corner behind a high row of bookcases to make use of any space the room offered.   
At most times the library was crowded with students and Yohan only felt comfortable staying there to study when he managed to have this exact table to himself. It was hidden from the other rows of seats on the other side of the big bookcases and he appreciated the seclusion it guaranteed.   
When he was sitting in this spot he could avoid any possible awkward eyecontact with other students who would share his space, the surroundings were less distracting because no one came into this corner to search for books and most importantly the librarian didn't notice when he sneaked some food inside to eat there which was clearly prohibited as multiple signs in the room reminded him.

However, apparently his little hiding spot was even more secret than even Yohan himself had thought. Usually a librarian and then again a few hours later a janitor did their rounds through the facilites to check for any lingering people before they left for the night.   
He had learned as much when the janitor once kicked him and Yuvin out of a bathroom on campus close to 11pm. That whole night hadn't been a memory Yohan thought about fondly.   
His current situation though was worse than the bathroom incident and Yohan had thought that wouldn't even be possible. But he was alone now and if both the clock on his devices and the moon outside were indicators to go by it was actually the middle of the night. And if the librarian didn't check this area during the day to see if any students were eating their lunch in the library they obviously didn't check it at the end of their shift in the evening either. Yohan had fallen asleep at his desk and it was safe to assume everyone had left without even noticing he was still there.

There was only one thing left for him to do before the helpless feeling he could feel spreading in his chest would overtake his mind completely.   
He turned on the flashlight of his phone to fight off the darkness around him and quickly got up from where he had spent hours sleeping. His back and legs hurt at the sudden movement after staying still for so long but he made his way around the row of bookcases as fast as his stiff limbs allowed him.   
The light of his phone didn't shine far in the big room with its high ceilings so it took him a moment to make out the direction he needed to follow in order to find the door that led out of this room. All he could hear was the sound of his own footsteps and he quickened them when he couldn't decide whether he thought that was unsettling or reassuring.

When the flashlight reflected off a metal doorhandle on the wall in front of Yohan he took a deep breath. Putting all his hope and strength into it, he pushed the handle down and leaned forward against the door. It didn't move even one millimetre. Locked.

After checking that there really wasn't any other way out of this room except the door he had found Yohan dejectedly walked back to the corner of the room that was still illuminated by his laptop. If he had at least figured out how to turn on the ceiling lights he would feel a little better but luck truly wasn't on his side that night.   
Sitting back down at his desk, his head in his hands and his eyes closed he took another moment to just breathe and try to calm down.   
Surely everything would turn out alright or that's what he kept telling himself in a low murmur.

His hands were still trembling slightly when he unlocked his phone again to look through his recently used contacts. As he searched for his conversation with Yuvin his eyes darted around the screen anxiously and his breathing grew more hectic when he couldn't find it immediately. With his patience already wornthin from the entire situation he clicked on the first groupchat he knew Yuvin was also in.   
Seungyoun had added Yohan to it recently but he had never really bothered to engage in its conversations or even look which of their friends were members. They had at least four different groupchats with Seungyoun so he barely even opened any of their messages anymore.

Scrolling down the contact list in this specific chat without even reading all the names he let out a sigh of relief when he spotted Yuvin and clicked on his number with shaking hands.  
It was nearing 2am by now so Yohan just hoped his best friend would answer his phone.   
The call ringed three times before someone on the other line picked up.

"Hello?", a deep voice could be heard where Yohan held the phone against his ear. A voice that clearly didn't belong to Yuvin.

"Yohan?", the voice asked again and the man in question almost dropped his phone at how familiar it sounded.   
Hastily he took his phone down to look at the screen where a number he hadn't saved stared back at him. He had a feeling he knew whose number this was and it definitely wasn't Yuvin's.  
In fear that he would appear rude if he didn't answer and with the screaming thought in his head that he had dialed this number at 2am at night he quickly put the device back against his ear.

"Y-yeah..?", he stuttered for a greeting and offered absolutely no explanation as to why he was calling. Truthfully he just wanted to end the call and maybe even throw his phone against a wall. Just to express how much he truly hated everything about this night.

"Why are you calling?", the other man said and his voice sounded even more deep and rough than usual, like he had just been startled awake from sleep. Which Yohan realized dreadfully was probably what had actually happened.

"Is everything alright?", the other voice continued asking when Yohan didn't reply at all and it sounded slightly alerted.

"Hangyul", Yohan eventually said and winced at how small his own voice sounded.

Just when he had thought things couldn't get worse for him he had really gone ahead and accidentally called the scariest guy he knew in the middle of the night.

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to call! I wanted to ask Yuvin for help but I messed up and oh my god I'm so sorry if I woke you up", he spluttered and squeezed his eyes shut like he would when a band-aid gets removed quickly to lessen the pain.

"Why do you need help?", was all Hangyul replied to that rant and Yohan slowly opened his eyes again in disbelief that this was the one thing he had picked out from his jumble of words.

Yohan let out an awkward laugh and cleared his throat while he was trying to make up his mind about what to say next. He could simply brush it off to end the call as soon as possible and he knew that would be the right thing to do when he called the wrong number.   
But something about Hangyul's deep sleepy voice and the question that sounded like he genuinely cared was oddly comforting in this situation.

"It's nothing serious", Yohan began to explain carefully, "I'm just kinda stuck in the library on campus."

"Yohan, it's like 2am", the other reminded him as he tried to make sense of the situation, "And you're kind of stuck in the library? What does that even mean?"

"I mean", Yohan hesitated for a moment but then gave up trying to word an explanation that wouldn't sound ridiculous, "I'm inside the library, the doors are locked and there is no way for me to get out."

A moment of silence followed that and Yohan almost checked to see if Hangyul had hung up on him. If he did Yohan thought he wouldn't even blame him.

"And you're saying that's nothing serious?", Hangyul eventually spoke up again and Yohan thought he could hear him sigh on the other end of the line. Or maybe he was yawning, Yohan couldn't really tell.

"I'm sorry", Yohan wasn't sure what exactly he was apologizing for now but it seemed like the right thing to do. His bottom lip was starting to hurt a little from how he was biting down on it anxiously.

"I'll be there in like 10 minutes", the other finally said in a tone that left no room for discussion. Naturally, Yohan still attempted to argue against it.

There was no way he would make Lee Hangyul of all people get up in the middle of the night to help him in this ridiculous situation. Not only would it be extremely embarrassing for himself and bothersome for Hangyul but he barely even knew the guy.   
They had seen each other twice but both instances had been mere coincidence and Yohan couldn't really say he had the best memories from the little time they had spent together.   
Hangyul was nothing more than a stranger to him. Someone who he had called on accident when he hadn't even saved his number. All that being added to the fact that he was still very much intimidated by the thought of being alone with the other man.

"You don't have to", he was therefore quick to argue, "I can call Yuvin or just spend the night here, it's fine really!"

"You can't be sure Yuvin will pick up his phone", Hangyul made a good point and a sound of rustling accompanied his words, "and I'm awake now anyway."

"Yeah... I'm sorry about that", Yohan apologized for what must have been the third time.

"Stop saying sorry already", his words were softened by a small laugh, "I'll be there as quick as I can."

And with that Hangyul ended the call. The dull beeping sound ringing loud in Yohan's ear. 

Time always seemed to pass slower than usual when one waited for something. And the few minutes Hangyul said it would take him to arrive at the library were no exception for Yohan. What made the waiting worse was that he couldn't even decide whether he was anticipating or dreading the time to pass.   
So he sat back down at the desk he had used earlier and mindlessly scrolled through his phone as he waited in the dark.

After another few seconds passed curiosity got the best of him and although he was still very much embarrassed about calling a wrong number he traced back his steps and opened his recent chats.   
The groupchat that had caused the mess he was currently in showed up at the top of his screen as soon as he opened his messenger app. When he read the displayed name of the groupchat Yohan unwillingly let out a snort that sounded startlingly loud in the quiet library.   
The words _Spooky Squad_ were staring back at him almost mockingly and Yohan could imagine just how much fun Seungyoun had had when he made this groupchat. The teasing intent was made only more obvious by the row of ghost and pumpkin emojis added to the name.  
Although Yohan could imagine now who Seungyoun had chosen for this specific conversation he clicked on the list of members after a moment of hesitation.

As expected the group included everyone they had met at the halloween fair about two weeks ago and most of their numbers were already saved in Yohan's phone. Other than Yuvin and Seungyoun, who he had obviously texted with before, Seungwoo and Byungchan's were saved since they had first met and they had offered to exchange numbers in case Yohan ever needed help with anything at university.   
Yohan hadn't actually had the courage to bother either of them with more than a few friendly texts once in a while. Which was why he usually appreciated Seungyoun's tendency to create an abundance of groupchats as they made it easier to get close to some of his friends.   
He did however not appreciate it tonight.  
At the bottom of the contact list the only unknown number caught Yohan's attention. For another second or two he just stared at it before he clicked on the small profile picture next to it.

Immediately the picture was scaled up and he was met with an undoubtedly handsome face. When he didn't have to look at the man face to face Yohan could actually appreciate that clearly objective fact. Even with Yohan's limited knowledge about photography he could tell it was a good picture and for a moment he wondered if Seungyoun had taken it for his friend.   
Unlike how Yohan remembered Hangyul the photo showed him with deep black hair, a confident smile on his face as he looked into the camera. Yohan couldn't tell if he was jealous that Hangyul appeared to look good no matter his hair colour or if it was a different feeling he just couldn't quite place in that moment.   
Either way the photo showed a man who obviously knew how to present his best features, the sleeve of his jacket lazily shrugged off on one side of his broad shoulders and his head tilted to the side to highlight his strong facial features.   
Based on just the two times Yohan had met Hangyul briefly he didn't think the other man even needed any of these tricks.  
The thought however disappeared as quick as it had flashed through his mind when a distant but persistent sound startled Yohan out of his trance-like state.

A scratching sound could be heard from somewhere in the big room, like metal scraping along a solid surface.   
Yohan remained frozen in his seat until he heard a clicking sound echo in the quiet surrounding.

"Yohan?", a loud deep voice asked into the silence when Lee Hangyul stepped through the door.

As if Yohan had been caught doing something bad his eyes widened in surprise and he quickly closed his messenger app to start the flashlight on his phone instead.   
He had only half expected Hangyul to actually show up at the library in the middle of the night. Less alone considering that they could barely be called acquaintances.

Hastily Yohan got up from where he had been waiting and rushed to the only door that led out of this room. A door that Yohan specifically remembered had been locked before.   
When he walked around the last bookcase the light of his phone camera finally fell on Hangyul who was standing in the open doorway.

"Hey", was all Hangyul said as a greeting, his lips turning upwards into a smirk.

For a second too long Yohan just started at the other man with his mouth hanging open as his eyes darted from Hangyul's smiling face to the open door behind him. The hallway on the other side of the doorway was dark but with the flashlight in his hand shining in its direction he could make out where it reached a corner that he knew led outside the building.   
After another second passed Hangyul cleared his throat and the smile on his face grew wider.

"So", he continued after Yohan managed to bring an awkward "hi" past his lips, "are you ready to get out of here?"

"Yes, of course!", Yohan replied with much more fervour this time as if he was afraid Hangyul might change his mind and leave him alone in this situation after all, "I just need to grab my stuff."

Without even waiting for Hangyul to react he turned on his heel and hurried back to his previous seat to gather his laptop and the few scattered books that were still lying around on the desk.

"It's just going to take a second, don't leave without me!", he exclaimed loudly when he scrambled to unplug his laptop's charger from the socket under the table.

"I'm not going anywhere."

With a painful crashing sound Yohan's head hit the surface of the desk he was still crouching under to reach the power outlet. At the suddenly close voice his body had instinctively jerked upwards.   
An embarrassed blush on his cheeks and a hand on his head rubbing the spot where it had met the hard wood, Yohan stood up straight behind the desk again. It hurt only a litte and in that moment embarrassment was definitely the strongest thing he felt.

"You sure sit under tables quite a lot, huh?", Hangyul said with a teasing tint to his voice and Yohan understood the reference to the first time they had met all too well.

"Don't remind me", Yohan grumbled with a pout and continued rubbing his hand over the back of his head to try and cease the slight pang of pain he still felt.

"Does it hurt a lot?", Hangyul reached out with his hand as if he was about to check for any injuries on Yohan himself. Halfway to Yohan's hair however he suddenly dropped his hovering hand again.

In an attempt to avoid Hangyul's gaze that had turned strangely worried Yohan hastily went back to gather his belongings and simply muttered "It's fine". His phone was placed between them on the desk and the light of his camera cast them in semidarkness.   
Inbetween putting his books and devices into his backpack Yohan still stole a few glances at the other boy.

Contrary to the other few times Yohan had seen him Hangyul's hair wasn't styled to highlight his facial features. Instead he wore his hair down and it fell onto his forehead in a long soft fringe. Since they had seen each other at the halloween fair the dark blond colour must have been washed out a little because it shimmered in a more dull grey tone now.   
A twinge of guilt plagued Yohan when he realized that the other obviously wouldn't have his hair styled in the middle of the night. He had actually been sleeping when Yohan accidentally called his number.

"I guess I really woke you up when I called", Yohan said with a pained frown and vaguely gestured at Hangyul's soft hair, the big hoodie and black sweatpants he was wearing.

"Sorry that I didn't dress up for the occasion", Hangyul let out a low chuckle and bowed his head a little in mock apology. But when he looked back up at Yohan the smile on his face was bright and kind.

"Stop teasing me! You know that's not what I meant", he protested immediately and he could feel his ears flush when his voice involuntarily came out in a whining tone.

"Oh but it's so much fun", Hangyul said but didn't press it any further as to not make Yohan uncomfortable.   
However, a glint of amusement still played in his eyes when he silently watched Yohan pick up the last of his things.

When Yohan stood in front of the doorway that led out of the library, his backpack over his shoulder and Hangyul by his side, he hesitated for a moment.

"I'm pretty sure last time I checked this door was locked", he said eventually and tilted his head to one side to give Hangyul a curious look.

The other boy just shrugged his shoulders at that and a smug little smirk made its way back onto his pretty face.   
He leaned in a little closer to Yohan as if he were to share an important secret. Yohan resisted his instinct to take a step back and secure a safe distance between their faces.

"A lock has never stopped me before", Hangyul half whispered ominously.

This was the proof Yohan had needed to confirm his conspiracy that Lee Hangyul was in fact part of a gang. The guy knew how to pick locks and even admitted to having used that technique before. He had really called an actual criminal to his rescue.   
But when Yohan looked at him with eyes blown wide in shock the smirk on Hangyul's face immediately turned into a child-like smile, similar to how Yohan's younger sisters looked when they teased him and their parents took their side.

"You know I'm kidding, right?", Hangyul drew back his body when Yohan still hadn't started breathing again after another second passed.

"Of course", Yohan assured with a shaky smile but his breathing went back to normal now that there was more of a distance between their faces again.

"The only other time I've ever picked a lock was when Seungyoun got locked into a furniture store back in high school", Hangyul explained and debunked Yohan's theory once again.

For a second he was tempted to ask about Seungyoun's high school story but decided against it. Knowing his friend he was probably better off not knowing the details. If anything he might find out breaking and entering was actually on Hangyul's criminal record for something a reckless eighteen years old Cho Seungyoun had done.   
Perhaps it had been Seungyoun's influence that had shaped an innocent younger Hangyul into the intimidating man he was now.

"Do I want to know how you learned to pick a lock in the first place?", Yohan decided to ask instead but the hesitation was still obvious in his voice.

"There's Youtube tutorials for everything", Hangyul simply replied nonchalantly and took a step forward through the open door.

They had to walk down a flight of stairs in order to reach the floor with exits leading outside onto campus grounds and so they made their way through the dark corridors with determined strides, Yohan always walking one step behind Hangyul.   
He wished they could at least turn on some of the lights on the ceiling to fight off the darkness which made him uneasy but he didn't speak up about it. He supposed it was better not to turn on all lights when one was walking through a building that was meant to be locked at night anyway.

Since they had left the library rooms Yohan hadn't spoken a word out loud in fear that it would somehow alert someone of their presence in the building. But there was one question regarding that burning on the tip of his tongue.

"Hey Hangyul", he said in a hushed voice and hurried so he could walk next to him and wouldn't need to speak louder, "how did you know there would be no kind of alarm or anything like that when you opened the door to the library?"

He was very careful not to say the other had broken into their campus building for him although that was essentially what had happened.

"I didn't know", Hangyul replied and turned his head a little so he could look at Yohan in the moonlight that lightened the hallway faintly through the many big windows, "I guess we were just lucky."

When Yohan slowed down and gave the other boy a slightly confused look their gazes met. There was an array of thoughts tumbling over each other in Yohan's mind.  
He was trying to understand why Hangyul had broken into their university's facility without even being sure that he wouldn't be caught. But all his attempts at making sense of that behaviour failed.   
If their college invested a little more into security systems on their property and an alarm had gone off they would have been discovered within seconds. The consequences for that would have been drastic and Yohan shuddered at the thought of possibly getting expelled from college or even worse being arrested for breaking and entering.   
His gaze still locked on Hangyul's eyes, he tried to find an answer for why he risked all that.   
He wasn't sure if he thought it was admirable or dumb to do this much just because a mere stranger needed help.  
Yohan, still struggling to find the right thing to say to that, just shook his head slightly and quickened his pace again when the two broke eye contact.

Together they walked through an archway and stepped into the big entrance hall of the building. As soon as they set foot into the new room a light above their heads burst alive and illuminated their surroundings.   
The light was a blinding contrast to the previous constant darkness and it had turned on so suddenly that Yohan flinched heavily and instinctively shut his eyes close. He hoped the small whimpering sound that escaped his lips had been too quiet for Hangyul to notice.  
Slowly he blinked one of his eyes open again to look at the latter under the bright light when he heard him chuckle lightly.

"You really are such a baby sometimes", Hangyul said and his smile seemed to be even more blinding than the lamp above their heads.

"The lights in this area have a movement sensor", he explained in a matter-of-fact tone, "don't worry, they function automatically so there's no one else here."

"I'm not worried", Yohan argued and betrayed every single thought he had had since he woke up at the library desk earlier that night.

"Of course you're not, baby", Hangyul laughed and casually slipped the teasing pet name into their conversation.

Yohan was very much aware that he was being made fun of in some way but couldn't even react to that with the way his brain seemed to have a short circuit when it registered Hangyul's words.

Hangyul however just put a hand on Yohan's shoulder and ushered him through the entrance hall and into one of its side corridors. And when Yohan was about to speak up and ask why they had walked past the big entrance portal that led outside they stopped to stand in front of a window.   
It stood slightly ajar and flew open completely when Hangyul pulled at its handle.

"You got to be kidding me", Yohan said unbelievingly when the other boy took another step closer to the window and Yohan understood what he planned to do.

"Sorry, this time I'm not", Hangyul said with another short deep laugh that sounded anything but apologetic, "I saw this window was open when I walked around the building so I figured there was no point breaking in through the front door."

And with one swift movement he stepped onto the windowsill and disappeared from sight.   
Yohan nearly stumbled over his own feet with how he rushed to the open window where Hangyul had stood just seconds ago. When he looked down he found the other man already smiling up at him.   
Since they were on the ground floor of the building the jump out of the window hadn't been too high but the distance to the earth beneath was still significant.

"Come on! You've been an athlete all your life, right?", Hangyul said when he saw the bewildered look on Yohan's face, "put that trained fit body of yours to use now."

Yohan couldn't help but let out a small laugh when Hangyul tried to emphasize his statement by flexing his biceps in an exaggerated manner. If this was to be impressive the effect got lost in his big oversized hoodie.  
Ignoring the blush that had crept up his cheeks at the other's words and ridiculous antics Yohan took a deep breath and climbed to sit on the windowsill, his legs dangling over the edge outside.   
Heights were just one of the many things he wasn't very fond of in life. When he looked down between his legs the ground was near but seemed to sway on its own.

"I'm right here", Hangyul reassured him andYohan pushed himself away from the edge of the window.

With a dull sound his feet landed on the ground and he stretched his arms out immediately to steady himself. There was a strong grip on his waist when he threatened to tumble over from the impact of the fall.   
After another second the world around him finally came to a halt again and Yohan looked at Hangyul who quickly let go of him. Yohan's eyes travelled from Hangyul's face to the hand that had perviously held him steady and then to the vicinity surrounding them.   
Trees lined the side of the pavement and their leaves rustled in the breeze of this october night. They had made it out of the building after all.

Hangyul was leading the way once again when they walked around the building with the library to reach the main street that connected all areas on their campus.

"I can give you a ride home if you want", he offered while they walked side by side and he checked something on his phone, "or we can just walk to your dorms."

"It's fine, I can walk back on my own", Yohan was quick to intervene. Walking home alone at night didn't make him feel entirely comfortable but Hangyul had already done more than enough for him.

Hangyul raised an eyebrow at that and tore his eyes away from his phone to look at Yohan instead. He raised his phone's screen for the latter to see.   
The digital clock on the screen read 2.24am and Yohan bit his lip when Hangyul gave him a look which made it clear that he wouldn't approve of him leaving alone this late.   
More often than just occasionally there were some odd people out at night on campus so Yohan had to admit the worry wasn't misplaced. Although it was hard for him to grasp why Hangyul of all people would ever be worried about him.

Yohan's bottom lip was freed from where it had been worried between his teeth when his mouth suddenly stretched into a wide smile.   
The lockscreen on Hangyul's phone had distracted him from the clock he was looking at. It showed a small puppy on a skateboard apparently driving down some street.

"What's so funny?", Hangyul asked confused when Yohan failed to hold back his smile.

"The lockscreen on your phone."

Within a split second Hangyul drew back his phone and in all the time they had spent together Yohan had never seen him nearly this panicked.

"It's cute, okay?", Hangyul mumbled defensively and put his phone back into the pocket of his sweatpants.

"I parked right around this corner", he continued without losing even a second to change the topic.

Yohan didn't know what he had expected when Hangyul had said he didn't walk to the library but he definitely hadn't imagined what he saw now.   
Next to a few parked cars and bicycles stood a shiny motorcycle that Hangyul approached confidently.   
Yohan had only the most basic knowledge on motorcycles but it didn't appear to be very expensive. That didn't mean it wasn't in perfect condition though and that made sense considering how Hangyul now brushed his hand over the seat affectionately.

"So", Hangyul turned around to face Yohan again, a spare helmet in his hand, "how about that ride home?"

When Yohan had moved into the big city for university he had put up three very simple rules when it came to the type of people he surrounded himself with.  
Stay away from gangs. Stay away from bikers. And most importantly stay away from biker gangs.  
He was aware that some of his anxiety was based on stereotypes that he usually disclaimed but he couldn't help having those thoughts anyway.  
With Lee Hangyul holding a motorcycle helmet out for him to take after they had broken into a college facility he could feel his safe set of rules crumble down around him.   
Although his conspiracy that Hangyul was secretly a member of a dangerous gang seemed more farfetched with every minute he spent with the man he thought it shouldn't have come as a surprise to him that Hangyul drove a motorcycle.

"I promise a ride on this is completely safe", Yohan doubted Hangyul's claim greatly, "but we could also walk to your dorm and I'll just come back here to pick it up later when I go home."

As much as Yohan was genuinely scared of riding a motorcycle, the most dangerous vehicle on the streets if someone asked him, the thought of Hangyul walking all the way back there again when he could have just dropped Yohan off on his way home bothered him more. He still felt terrible about this whole situation in the first place so the least he could do was make sure Hangyul could go home and back into bed as quick as possible.   
Silently but with determination in his eyes he stepped forward and took the helmet from Hangyul's outstretched hand.

When he was seated on the motorcycle behind Hangyul he put on the security helmet and hesitated for a moment before he placed his hands lightly on Hangyul's sides. The big hoodie he was wearing felt warm and soft under Yohan's hands.

"You're not scared, right baby?", Hangyul teased and laughed when Yohan pinched him in his side for revenge. He closed the visor of his own helmet and reached behind his back for Yohan's hands.

"Hold on tight", he said and intertwined Yohan's hands around his waist to secure his grip. Flustered by their sudden proximity, Yohan tried to keep as much of a distance between them despite having to hold onto Hangyul for safety.   
But when the machine roared to life and they drove out onto the streets he pressed impossibly close to Hangyul's back and clutched at him as if his life depended on it.

A short while later Yohan took a few tentative steps towards the entrance of his dorm building with shaking legs.   
Hangyul had followed his directions and came to a halt in the part of their campus where Yohan lived without any casualties. He had dropped him off safely just as he had promised.   
Perhaps Yohan had to admit that Hangyul was starting to earn his trust in some cases.

Guilt gnawing at Yohan's heart reminded him of the last time he had said goodbye to the other at night and it stopped him in his tracks. Until now he hadn't heard the engine get turned on again so he turned around to see if Hangyul was still there.   
As expected he was sitting on his motorcycle, the helmet resting on his leg as he was waiting for Yohan to get inside the building.   
Yohan was determined not to make the same mistake again that he had done last time.

"Hey Hangyul", he said in a soft but loud voice so it would reach the other a few metres away, "thank you."

Hangyul just smiled at him and did another small bow as if he were to say "at your service".   
Despite receiving yet another playfully teasing reaction Yohan was relieved. It felt like Hangyul understood what he was struggling to put into words and he was grateful for that too.   
There was more than one reason to be thankful towards Hangyul once again.

The door to his bedroom squeaked loudly when he pushed it open and Yohan winced at the noise, hoping that it wouldn't cause Yuvin to wake up. Luckily his roommate was still sleeping soundly when he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him as quietly as possible.   
The air in the room was cold now that the temperatures dropped outside but the university board hadn't adjusted the maintenance necessities yet so the heating system would warm up their dorms.

Yohan shivered lightly and made his way past scattered books and a few clothes lying on the ground to reach Yuvin's bed. Careful not to disturb his sleep he pulled the blanket his best friend had kicked off back up and tucked it under his chin.   
When he had taken off his own shoes and got ready to go to sleep he sat down on his bed with a tired sigh.

He plugged his phone charger into the wall next to his bed but hesitated to put down his phone for the night.  
Against his better judgement he quickly opened his messenger app and just like earlier that night the groupchat _Spooky Squad_ appeared at the top of the list.  
If there were no unknown numbers in his chats he could maybe avoid incidents like tonight's in the future, Yohan thought to himself as his fingers hovered over the screen.   
Torn between what he should or shouldn't do Yohan decided to throw all caution away and saved a new contact hurriedly.  
His fingers trembled nervously when he typed in Hangyul's name.

With another sigh, more frustrated and confused than tired now, he put his phone away and pulled his blanket all the way over his head. If he stayed under the safety of his covers maybe he could pretend this whole night hadn't truly happened.  
And only when his rapid heartbeat calmed down a little could he drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well these chapters are all getting really long and uni started again for me so i dont know how quickly i'll be able to upload,, (and i get really easily self-conscious about my writing so that doesnt help either)  
but i promise i'm trying my best and i'm really putting a lot of time and effort into this!!
> 
> so again pls let me know if u enjoyed this or have any constructive criticism!!  
any kudos or comments mean a lot and i hope you're all having a nice day/night <3


	4. [four]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obviously this was meant to be posted around halloween... yes i know its almost february now and x1 disbanded  
but i had already written half of this and decided to finish this chapter for that One person who commented this week and said they'd still like to see an update  
its almost 9k words long and took forever so i hope it can make someone smile!
> 
> (read notes at the end for more rambling)

By the second week of the midterm exams period Yohan seriously considered dropping out of college. Because if he had thought things couldn't get worse he was quickly proven wrong. With his lack of a talent for organization he'd belatedly realized that he was still missing one more paper he had to hand in by friday morning.   
At this point in time, thursday morning at 8am, he was surprised at his own diligence and the fact that he was actually still attending his classes despite the hectic schedule. Although the two hours in class might have even been a welcome break from worrying about the paper that was due in a day.  
He couldn't afford to miss this class any more times and deep down he hoped it would help him with the topic of his paper even in the slightest. Maybe that day would be the one time he actually learned something in class. His hopes were as high as his desperation levels.

When the professor finally walked up to the board in front of the class someone quietly slipped into the seat next to Yohan. Lee Jinhyuk greeted him with a smile that was much too bright considering it was early in the morning and the student had almost been late to class. Although a few semesters ahead of Yohan with his studies, they had taken up the same class and talked fairly often after they found out they had friends in common and Jinhyuk claimed the seat next to Yohan without any question.   
The older student was a friend of Wooseok, Seungyoun and Byungchan, close with the group of people Yohan was friends with by association and they went to eat lunch together after their morning class more often than not. It had been a lucky coincidence that their friends already knew each other but Yohan genuinely enjoyed spending time with Jinhyuk and he felt a little proud that he had made a friend without relying on Yuvin for once. And although he hadn't spent much time with all of them together yet he wasgrateful that the circle of friends who had known each other long before he had even begun studying at this university seemed to accept Yuvin and him happily.

In that moment the professor turned towards them to give Jinhyuk a judging look so Yohan decided against the little chat he usually held with the student next to him. Instead they settled for sharing silent smiles and tried to focus their attention on the front of the class.  
However, their respectable attempts didn't last long. After a while Jinhyuk stopped adding messy circles to the endless number he had already drawn on his piece of paper that was supposed to be filled with notes at this point of the lecture. With a little more force than necessary he nudged Yohan's arm with his own to catch his attention. When Yohan finally turned to look at him Jinhyuk's eyes seemed to beam with excitement.

"I just remembered", he whispered eagerly and leaned in even closer so Yohan could hear his every word, "we'll have such a great time together tomorrow at Seungyoun's place!"

Much to Yohan's concern he had no idea which plans Jinhyuk was referring to and it didn't help that apparently Seungyoun was involved in whatever Jinhyuk was talking about.

"The movie night for halloween?", Jinhyuk leaned back in his chair a little with a curious look when he didn't get a reply right away, "he said Yuvin and you will be there too."

At that Yohan could only shake his head but he smiled when he looked up at Jinhyuk again. It wasn't his fault Yohan's other friends kept putting him in situations like this. And Jinhyuk seemed genuinely excited at the prospect of them all hanging out together so Yohan couldn't find it in himself to ruin his good mood.

"Right", Yohan confirmed finally and he could feel himself mirroring Jinhyuk's wide smile with one of his own, "I totally forgot about that too."

"It's gonna be so much fun!", Jinhyuk's enthusiasm for this first free weekend after the exam period appeared to have increased even more now.

After all Yohan knew that Seungyoun more than anyone had been really disappointed that halloween was during a week packed with exams for everyone this year. On more than one occasion he had complained about that loudly and to anyone who would listen. Most times that had been Yuvin who as expected agreed with him. Now that Yohan thought about it properly he could remember multiple situations in which they had talked about this topic together. His lacking knowledge on their final plans to celebrate Halloween were just proof of how good he had gotten at tuning out their conversations when he wanted to.   
Although maybe he shouldn't do that as much anymore because it now made him feel left out in his own conversation with Jinhyuk.  
After thinking it all through Yohan supposed he should appreciate that his friends had at least settled for a sensible hangout together after all their exams and papers would be finished. Surely that wouldn't turn out too bad.

"Seungwoo and I already know what we'll wear for our costumes", Jinhyuk continued and returned to drawing random circles on his sheet. He only looked back up again when Yohan's pen hit their desk from where he had dropped it.

"Don't worry", he was quick to assure in a hushed tone when he saw the look on Yohan's face, "we're not the type to go for really fancy halloween costumes either."

If anything Yohan kept getting more worried the longer they talked about the things Seungyoun had planned for the next day.  
Perhaps it would have been better for Yohan if he had skipped this class after all.  
  


"Tell me what we're doing tomorrow night", Yohan said in lieu of greeting Yuvin when he found his best friend sitting at the small desk in their shared dorm room after his morning class had ended.

"We're having a movie night at Seungyoun's place for halloween?", he replied but it sounded more like an unsure question as he noticed the tension in Yohan's voice.

"Now tell me why I knew nothing about that until Jinhyuk mentioned it like half an hour ago", with another sigh Yohan dropped onto his own bed.

Yuvin had the decency to avert his gaze when Yohan sent him a questioning look.

"We just made those plans a few days ago and I wanted to tell you yesterday but then you found out about that paper you still have to write", he argued in his own favour, "I didn't want to bother you about it."

"And I thought I just wasn't listening to your halloween talk as usual", Yohan grumbled and rubbed his index finger against his temple. The incoming headache was inevitable that day.

"This is what you get for ignoring Seungyoun and me when we talk aboutimportant things like this", Yuvin said and crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

Yohan's laugh was muffled from where he had rolled face first into the pillow on his bed.

"You literally just said you never mentioned this movie night when I was around."

"Whatever", Yuvin said when his defense crumbled around his words, "you like the group of people we invited, it's after the deadline of your paper and we're not even really going out! It's the perfect halloween celebration for you."

Yohan wanted to argue that no halloween celebration at all was what would be perfect for him but he decided against it. The plans they had this year seemed much better than the halloween parties Yuvin used to throw in High School and he guessed he had to settle for that. At least there would be no drunk teenagers throwing up into the decorative vases Yuvin's mother collected as a hobby. He didn't miss his best friend duty to help Yuvin clean up the next day.   
Compared to those past experiences he supposed he could even be excited for what they had planned now. If only he didn't still have that one paper due the next morning.

"There's no way I can finish writing that paper in time", Yohan jumped to the next related topic and turned to look at Yuvin again. He could see him save and close his Sims game he had been playing on his laptop before Yohan had come back from class and that is how he knew Yuvin was taking their conversation serious.

"You'll be fine", he comforted Yohan and moved to sit dow next to him on the bed, "I'll stay up with you and I'll go buy you dinner from that little shop you love across the street."

"Okay", was all Yohan said and his voice still held a whiny tone despite Yuvin offering to help as much as he could. But the two boys had known each other long enough that Yuvin could tell Yohan was grateful just by the way the corners of his lips tugged up into the slightest smile. The fond look on Yuvin's face was a natural response to it at this point of their friendship.  
However, just mere seconds later Yuvin's eyes suddenly lit up with a different emotion.

"Oh! I almost forgot about this", he said and jumped up from where he had been sitting and ruffled Yohan's hair excitedly in the same motion, "I managed to find you a costume for tomorrow too."

As if someone had poured a bucket of ice water over his head Yohan shot up on his bed. He had secretly hoped Jinhyuk and Seungwoo would be the only ones who were to show up to the movie night dressed up in costumes.

"Whatever you have in there", he interrupted Yuvin who had already made his way to the old drawer that housed their clothes, "I am not wearing a costume to that thing tomorrow."

In his opinion that would be entirely too much effort for a holiday he hated and a night that they would just spend watching movies together anyway.  
At his sudden outburst Yuvin turned back around to face him and raised his eyebrows in a way that alone almost made Yohan doubt his own stance on the matter at hand.

"So, you can deal with Seungyoun giving you his disappointed puppy eyes all night tomorrow?", he asked in a matter that implied he was already sure what the answer would be.

No matter how hard Yohan tried to find a way to debunk what Yuvin said he had to admit that Seungyoun's puppy eyes were a force to be reckoned with. He had felt theirfull effect more than once and it was a terrible feeling for anyone to disappoint Cho Seungyoun. Besides he didn't really think it would be nice to be the only one not wearing a costume in the group of people that were invited. No matter how much he hated halloween he wasn't keen on ruining all the fun for his friends and he still felt like he needed to make some sort of a good impression on those he didn't know as well.

"Fine", Yohan eventually gave in dejectedly, "what kind of costume did you find?"

"Oh I am so glad that you asked!", Yuvin replied immediately back to his excited state again and he seemed suspiciously happy to Yohan. When Yuvin turned around with the costume in hand to show him he was once again reminded why he never let his best friend take care of things in his stead.

"You can't be serious", the pitch of Yohan's voice involuntarily rose higher with every word.

Dangling from the clothes hanger Yuvin was holding out proudly was a dark blue cheerleader uniform. The kind of cheerleader uniform teenage girls in american romantic comedy movies would usually wear.

"I asked around all my friends and this is the only costume I managed to find in time", Yuvin defended his choice of clothing and turned it around a few times as if showing it off would make it more appealing to Yohan.

With a still disbelieving gaze locked on the costume Yohan got up from his bed to take a closer look. Some small part of his brain still hoped this was one of Yuvin's jokes.

"I thought I could just wear some cheap fake vampire teeth", he said and his voice bordered on desperate when he ran his hand along the hem of the skirt. Yuvin on the other hand couldn't have sounded more sure of himself.

"Stop pretending to be more boring than you are all the time", he jabbed his index finger at Yohan's chest accusingly, "there's nothing wrong with this costume and I think it's cute."

"It's a girl's cheerleader uniform."

"Really, Yohan", Yuvin's arm dropped back down to his side and Yohan couldn't stand when his friend used this disappointed tone, "I thought we agreed that gender specific clothing is a myth."

And with that all of Yohan's possible reasoning against wearing this costume had been revoked. He had been too vocal and passionate about that topic in the past to back down in a situation like this now. Yohan personally knew there was no reason to be embarrassed about wearing something like a skirt as a man. He just had to hope the guys Seungyoun had invited for the movie night would think the same.

"Great! Now that that's settled", Yuvin spoke up again after Yohan had opened and closed his mouth a few times without managing to make any valid points, "let's get you started on that paper you need to have finished in less than 24 hours."

He dropped the costume on one of their beds and then clapped his hands together as if he was determined to write Yohan's midterm paper himself. Yohan couldn't bring himself to show as much enthusiasm when he sat down on the chair by their desk.

"There's one more thing I wanted to ask you", Yohan said as he waited for his laptop to boot, "have Jinhyuk and Seungwoo been such close friends this whole time?"

In Yohan's mind this was a very much validand understandable question. He had seen Seungwoo wait outside for Jinhyuk after their morning class on thursday quite a few times and more than once he joined them during lunch those days too. It was no surprise that the two seniors were friends when Jinhyuk talked about Seungwoo as much as he did on a regular basis.   
But it had been just this morning when Jinhyuk talked about their costumes that Yohan noticed how often the other used the word "we" when referring to Seungwoo and himself. It genuinely hadn't occured to Yohan before that they could be more than distant college friends.

"Now you can't be serious", Yuvin mirrored Yohan's disbelieving look he had had earlier on during their conversation. How little faith they had in each other and their ability to have a serious conversation was almost starting to worry Yohan.

"I thought they were just hanging out together on campus sometimes."

Yohan instinctively moved back a little in his chair when Yuvin came to stand in front of him and leaned down into his personal space. He put his hands on Yohan's shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes like the world depended on him understanding his next words.

"Jinhyuk and Seungwoo have literally been dating for like two years", there was a dramatic pause but the grin on Yuvin's face was anything but serious, "they'd probably be married already if that was possible."

The desk chair together with Yohan rolled back a bit on its little wheels when Yuvin suddenly pushed himself upright again and his body shook with laughter.

"Oh my sweet innocent Yohan", his words came out more like a wheeze inbetween his laughs, "you're so oblivious that I feel bad for any pour soul who ever has a crush on you."  
  


When Yohan opened the third can of energy drinks that night the sun outside their small dorm window had long set. The taste of the sugary drink was starting to leave a bad feeling in his mouth as he downed the can in one go and threw it in the bin under the desk. The metal packaging hit the ones Yohan had already emptied earlier.   
He winced at the sudden loud noise and instinctively turned around to check on Yuvin. His friend had fallen asleep hours ago despite his promise to stay awake until Yohan finished writing his paper. There had been a genuine effort but soon enough Yuvin had passed out on his bed, still in his daytime clothes because he had refused to admit that he was getting tired. The takeaway boxes he had bought earlier from Yohan's favorite shop had long ago joined the energy drink cans in the bin. To Yohan's relief Yuvin seemed to have not even heard the noise he made and didn't stir in his sleep at all.

With a sigh Yohan turned back to his laptop screen that glowed in the dark and his heart sank at the mostly empty document that was staring back at him. Although he was truly trying his best his progress on the paper wasn't going as well as he had hoped. The energy drinks were yet to show any positive effect on his low energy and motivation and the anxiety that was starting to creep up on him the more time passed was of no help either. The upcoming deadline at 8am was a constant presence in the back of his mind and it was more than just a little distracting.  
But he had no other choice than to keep trying so he put his phone down where he had just been staring at the minutes on his lockscreen passing mercilessly and turned his attention fully back to the nearly blank document.   
It would be a long sleepless night for Yohan.

More hours passed and by the time Yohan typed the last word of his conclusion Yuvin was already awake and getting ready for class. It was half past seven in the morning and Yohan had finished his paper just in time. Ideally he would have liked to read through what he had written a few more times to make sure there were no mistakes before he handed it in to his professor but at this point he had long given up on that level of correctness.  
His brain and whole body were still running on nothing but an excessive number of energy drinks and the cheap coffee Yuvin had made him when he had woken up a while ago.   
He checked the time on his laptop screen one more time, attached his finished document to an E-Mail to his professor and hit sent with less than half an hour to spare until the deadline.

"I'm going to sleep for at least three days straight now", Yohan said exasperatedly and let his head sink down onto the desk with a groan.

A dull sound of something being put on the table sounded loud where he had his ear placed on the surface. When he looked up he was faced with their little box of instant coffee.

"You said you still have a class today that you can't miss again", Yuvin reminded him and the look on his face was full of genuine pity. As if to emphasise his words he placed a cup next to the box of instant coffee.

"Good thing we're not really going out tonight! It's not too bad if you're tired at a movie night", he continued and Yohan wondered if he was really trying to cheer him up because it was having the opposite effect on him. A reminder of everything he still had to go through that day was the last thing he needed to hear in that moment.

When he grabbed the instant coffee and let out another exhausted groan it had little to do with the paper anymore.

"I can't believe you're actually making me do this", Yohan whispered with barely concealed disdain as they stood in front of Seungyoun's apartment door and waited for it to open. Yohan was smoothing out non-existent wrinkles on his skirt anxiously and pulled his jacket tighter, against both the cold and his self-consciousness.

Yuvin on the other hand seemed to be nothing but excited for the night they had planned with their friends. Standing tall and upright in his old english 19th century inspired costume, he was the picture perfect example of confidence. The actual clothes were most likely not accurate to the time that inspired them and they looked rather cheap although Yuvin had managed to borrow them from the drama department on campus. When he had showed them to Yohan a few hours ago he had proudly announced that his costume for this year's halloween would be Dorian Gray. Accuracy to a historical costume didn't seem to matter much when one had the confidence to portray a character who was the literal definition of beauty and eternal youth. At least Yuvin had said as much when he explained his costume and claimed his face would already be doing all the work anyway.

"Maybe one day you'll thank me for this night", Yuvin said to Yohan's continous complaints and his smile widened when the door to the aparment opened in that same moment. His smile however dropped just as quickly again when the door swung open fully and he realised that it wasn't Seungyoun who stood there. They found themselves face to face with Lee Hangyul.

"Or not", Yuvin corrected himself in a quiet voice.

Although looking very different to how Yohan remembered, the man standing in the doorway was definitely Hangyul and they should have really expected Seungyoun's best friend to be there that evening but Yohan's eyes widened as if in shock. Whether his surprised face was due to seeing Hangyul unexpectedly once again or the fact that he was dressed up for halloween was hard to tell. Not having the mind for subtelty in that moment Yohan looked the man once over to take in his costume.   
He was dressed in all black simple clothes but the makeup he was wearing made up a whole halloween costume of its own. Judging by the few times Yohan had met Hangyul he didn't think the other would be the type to wear make up but the eyeliner and dark eyeshadow that sparkled on his face along with what he assumed was highlighter to accentuate his cheeckbones proved Yohan wrong. A fine line of dark red looked like it was dripping down from the corner of his mouth and for a split second a picture of the night at the Halloween fair appeared in Yohan's mind. Dark red fake blood dripping down Hangyul's cheek as Yohan held his face in his hands.  
And as if Hangyul could feel Yohan's gaze locked on his lips they widened into a smile and a small pair of fangs where his canine teeth should have been came into sight. They didn't look like the cheap sets of fake vampire teeth that Yohan had wanted to settle for and he wondered how they were attached.  
Apart from these unusual accessories and the makeup however what had surprised Yohan initially at first glance was the fact that Hangyul's hair no longer had its regular dark blond colour. Instead black hair was styled to show a part of his forehead and he looked more like the person Yohan had seen in the profile picture on his phone than how he remembered seeing Hangyul when they had met. And it did confirm the thoughts Yohan had had when he saw the photo of Hangyul with black hair. He looked good no matter his hair colour.  
The moment hadn't been as long as it felt to Yohan but he only tore his gaze away from Hangyul when Yuvin moved next to him.

Just like the last time they had met Yuvin greeted Hangyul as if they had been friends for years already. And it was thanks to him that the situation didn't turn awkward because Yohan, just like the last time they had met too, still had no idea how to act around Lee Hangyul.   
In any social setting Yohan always found the initial hellos the hardest thing to overcome. In his personal opinion there should be set rules how one is supposed to greet a friend of a friend, a stranger essentially but with the expectation of friendly interactions. The uncertainty of how he was supposed to behave in situations like this stressed him out and he was relieved when Hangyul just sent him an inviting smile and stepped back into the apartment so they could follow him.

Yohan had only been to Seungyoun's apartment a handful of times because it was off campus and most days it was easier to meet up somewhere else instead. How Seungyoun managed to afford such a nice place as a student was still sort of a mystery to Yohan too. He knew that the other earned some money from working as a producer on the side while studying but he must have been better at his job than Yohan imagined when he could afford an apartment like this one on his own. It wasn't big in size but any housing near campus in the city was extremely expensive and if the apartment lacked anything Seungyoun made up for it with various decorations in his living space. The comfort Seungyoun's personality could give others was mirrored in every corner of his apartment and every carefully chosen or self-made decoration on the walls.   
If Yohan and Yuvin's own cramped dorm room would have reflected them in the same way Yohan thought their only personality traits were being broke university students.

They followed Hangyul further into the apartment and found Seungyoun in the kitchen taking a few beers out of the fridge. Wooseok, with two little pigtails in his relatively long hair at either side of his head, sat at the table and scrolled through his phone. Yohan wasn't too familiar with comic characters but guessing by the few movies he had watched Wooseok's costume was supposed to be Harley Quinn.  
Seungyoun seemed to have used temporary hair dye and it gave his usually black hair a green colour. When he turned around to smile at Yohan and Yuvin they saw that his make up matched the colored hair in a sense. His costume was clearly meant to be the Joker, albeit only portrayed through the eccentric make up and hair. His clothes were a simple pair of sweatpants and a wide dress jacket.

"The Joker", Seungyoun said proudly and pointed at his own face and then his outfit instead of saying hello, "but also ready for a movie night."

"Alright I think they get it", Hangyul said and took one of the beer bottles from Seungyoun to open it. And he was about to continue talking when the doorbell to the apartment rang again.  
Acting as Seungyoun's Butler cover he left to open the door for the next arrival.

When he stepped back into the kitchen a few seconds later he was followed by Jinhyuk and Seungwoo, in what Yohan could only presume were the matching costumes which Jinhyuk had told him about. The two tall men were wearing simple but cozy looking onesies with a fabric that seemed to imitate fur. One of them grey and the other brown. On their heads they were wearing the kind of puppy ear headbands that idols were often asked to wear at fansigns. However, the weirdest thing about their whole attire was a box of spaghetti that Jinhyuk was carrying under one of his arms.  
Yohan couldn't tell exactly what their costumes were supposed to represent but he thought their matching outfits were cute either way and it was amusing enough to see the seniors he had secretly admired for a while now dressed up like this.

"So Jinhyuk", Yuvin started after everyone in the small room had exchanged their hellos, "what's with the noodles?"

For a short moment Jinhyuk looked genuinely confused by the question, as if he had forgotten that he was carrying an unopened box of spaghetti around.

"Oh you mean this", he eventually exclaimed and held up the item like it was something precious, "it's part of the costume."

"We're the dogs from lady and the tramp", Seungwoo finally spoke up, his voice an odd mix of amused and resigned tones. Jinhyuk, who must have been more familiar with Seungwoo's expressions than anyone else in that room, didn't appear to be very content with the lackluster way their grand costume had been revealed.

"Don't use that voice! You said it would be a cute romantic idea too", his disappointment was clear when he turned to hit Seungwoo's shoulder lightly. But judging by the way the older returned Jinhyuk's pout with a fond smile he didn't seem to mind much.  
And for once Yohan could admit to himself that Yuvin had been right. He should have really known that Jinhyuk and Seungwoo had been boyfriends all along.  
The signs had been obvious this whole time, so Yohan supposed that maybe he actually was just as clueless as his best friend had said.

"Aww that's cute", Yuvin stepped in to help Jinhyuk but his smile turned into a smirk when his gaze flicked between the couple and Wooseok, who was still sitting at the table with Seungyoun by his side, "so all the lovebirds are wearing matching costumes."

Immediately Wooseok's eyes shot up from where they had still been trained on his phone. The gaze with which he met Yuvin's was strong and unwavering but the light pink colour dusting his cheeks betrayed his expression. And it was not the makeup blush he had applied for his Harley Quinn look.

"Don't", Wooseok said and for a split second it sounded threatening before his lips turned upwards into an overly sweet smile, "no one should romanticize the Joker's relationship. It's toxic and abusive."

"That's right!", Seungyoun agreed enthusiastically. And while they did in fact all agree that Wooseok's point was valid and important Seungyoun sounded just a little too happy for someone who had gotten shut down by his crush once again. Yohan wasn't sure if he had even been listening or simply agreed with Wooseok for the sake of it. Because although Yohan admitted that he wasn't the sharpest when it came to relationships Seungyoun's crush on Wooseok was painfully obvious, even to Yohan.

Seemingly keen to avert everyone's attention away from himself Wooseok looked each of their friends over for the first time since they had arrived, his gaze coming to a halt on Yohan who had so far been spared any extra attention during the conversation and had just followed everyone's banter happily.   
To his dismay, Wooseok was about to change that.

"I think Yohan's cheerleader costume is the best one here anyway", he said with an approving nod and a contrasting smirk on his face. Yohan however was too startled by his name being called to doubt the sincerity and intention of that comment in any way.

"It's amazing", Seungyoun added, eager to agree with Wooseok as usual but his gaze flickered to Hangyul as if waiting for some kind of reaction.  
Yohan, on the receiving end of the sudden attention, wasn't so keen to accept their praise and pulled his jacket a little closer over the short cheerleader top that exposed a fine line of his abs.

"I never planned to wear this outfit", he admitted, his voice clearly showing the insecurity he had promised to himself he would hide. Hangyul who had still been standing in the doorway tensed, like he was going to interrupt Yohan's dismissive words as soon as they were spoken. Surely enough, he was the first one to react.

"I think this outfit looks good on you", his tone left no room for any further discussion.

Awkward and overwhelmed as ever, Yohan sent him a small smile that was as much grateful as it was bashful. Seungyoun on the other hand seemed to know no such discreet social behaviour. His amused smile was just barely hidden by his beer bottle when he took another sip.

"Oh I'm sure you think so", he said and saved Yohan from the dreadful obligation to actually reply to a compliment.   
To this day Yohan still wondered at what point in life he should have learned how to deal with compliments. Clearly no one had taught him.  
However, judging by Hangyul's suddenly uneasy expression not everyone appreciated Seungyoun's input to the situation. Yohan had the sneaking suspicion that he was somehow missing a crucial part of this conversation.

"At first Yohanie wanted to go as a vampire too", Yuvin also piped up eventually to drag the topic on impossibly longer. Now it was Yohan's turn to give his respective friend a slightly exasperated look.

"Aww", Seungyoun cooed and stepped forward to stand inbetween Hangyul and Seungwoo, to sling his arms over their shoulders and draw them close, "so we almost could have had one more couple costume!"

Neither of his two friends looked like they shared the sentiment but at least Seungwoo let out a quiet laugh and patted Seungyoun's hand with what Yohan guessed could only be described as disapproving affection. It was an odd combination that somehow didn't seem out of place when coming from Seungwoo.  
If possible Hangyul's expression was even harder to read for Yohan. He didn't think he would ever completely master the art of looking past Hangyul's intimidating mask.  
But then Seungyoun nudged his best friend with the bottle he was still holding and laughed out loud at whatever he could read in Hangyul's face. And Yohan was sure that he was definitely and obviously missing something very important in this whole conversation. No matter how hard he tried to decipher the signals, he could confidently say that he had absolutely no idea what was going on.

Really, Yohan was doing fine.  
Considering that he was currently squished on a small sofa between Seungyoun and Hangyul, the TV in front of them playing some random horror movie his friends had chosen to watch.  
Yohan was doing perfectly fine. Except that he wasn't.  
About half an hour ago, when it had come to choosing a movie they would watch together, he had been too proud to announce loudly that he'd rather not watch a horror story. After all, this was their way to celebrate halloween and he didn't want to ruin that.   
Of all people Hangyul had been the one to give him a doubtful look when everyone else cheered as the movie about a murderous doll started playing on screen. It reminded Yohan of how Hangyul had seemed to be able to sense his discomfort at the halloween fair a while ago.   
And he did not like that at all. Yohan very much preferred when someone he barely knew couldn't immediately look right through his mask of easy-going indifference. It made him feel strangely vulnerable.

It wasn't helping his case either that additionally to his own personal horror of having to watch a horror movie, he had also somehow ended up sitting right next to Hangyul. To his left, Seungyoun had his legs thrown over Wooseok's. Even with the four of them cramped onto the small sofa Seungyoun was sitting much closer to his crush than necessary, shaking both of their bodies affectionely every time he laughed at a scene in the supposedly scary movie.  
Yohan on the other hand didn't feel like laughing.   
His eyes kept darting between the TV and the spot where his thighs, only half covered by the cheerleader skirt, touched Hangyul's, never keeping his gaze on either too long because staying calm was getting harder with every passing second. He had already made it through the first 25 minutes of the movie without embarrassing himself massively and he thought that was really more than anyone could have expected of him. His patience however was starting to fade.  
When another particulary nasty jumpscare appeared on screen, accompanied by a loud screeching scream, he turned his whole body towards Hangyul as if to hide instinctively. This was the third time he reacted like that since they had started the movie and each time Yohan just flinched again when he opened his eyes and found himself almost clinging onto the boy next to him.

Desperately trying to look anywhere but at Hangyul or the TV, Yohan spotted the package of microwave popcorn lying on Seungyoun's coffee table.  
They hadn't actually prepared it yet but suddenly Yohan felt it was very important that they did. He needed to leave this room and go make popcorn. It was his only chance.

The little bowl filled with popcorn spinned around itself in the microwave for what seemed an eternity. Yohan, who was watching the repetitive motion, didn't know if he wanted it to go faster or even more impossibly slower. His patience was already worn thin from how anxious he was generally feeling that night but he also knew that when he was done preparing the popcorn he no longer had an excuse to miss the movie. And he really wanted to miss as much of that horrifying form of entertainment as possible. So really, he wished the popcorn would take as much time as possible to get all warm and tasty.  
But if any existed, the popcorn gods didn't seem to be in his favour that day.

Despite his best efforts to calm his nerves by watching the almost hypnotic motion of the microwave food, he flinched when the utensil made a sudden sound and came to an abrupt halt.  
And when he filled it into a bigger bowl he could bring for his friends to share, he heard someone's footsteps approach on the kitchen tiles. When he turned his back to the kitchen counter to take a look at the person, he thought the popcorn gods must have actually cursed him.

It only took a few steps for Hangyul to walk from the doorway to the fridge that he opened to take out two more cans of the only cheap beer Seungyoun had left. For a short second Yohan hoped he would just leave again without saying a word, sparing Yohan the embarrassment who was staring at Hangyul like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. He hadn't even been doing anything wrong to stand frozen like this in place but when Hangyul turned back towards him he wondered if this was how the deer would feel when it suddenly saw the incoming car. Hangyul smiled, the fangs on his canine teeth appeared and Yohan knew the crash was inevitable.

"Are you bringing that popcorn back to the others?", Hangyul asked and tilted his can of beer to point at the bowl behind Yohan's back.

"Yes, of course", Yohan replied, proud of himself that he hadn't stuttered but didn't move in any way to actually do what he said.

"You know we could also stay here a little longer", Hangyul continued and took a step forward from where he had been leaning casually against the fridge, "give you an excuse to hide from watching that scary movie."

Yohan could feel his body tense in an instant at those words, defense mechanisms rearing their gears like a well-preserved watch he had been carrying around all his life.

"I'm not scared", he argued almost automatically. It sounded equally as stubborn as it did weak to his own ears too.

"Yeah, I think I've heard that one before", Hangyul countered but his intimidatingly teasing features softened at once.   
Then he walked across the small kitchen to stand next to Yohan, supporting himself with his hands on the counter behind them. And Yohan was grateful to have a break from the eye contact that still made him somewhat uncomfortable.

After another second or two Hangyul continued talking, but with a tone so kind that Yohan thought wouldn't even be possible coming from someone this scary looking.

"I don't actually mind if you hide behind me at the jumpscares." His words were spoken casually and he kept looking at the doorway leading out of the kitchen as if he wasn't talking to anyone in particular.  
But even without having Hangyul's full attention on him, Yohan flushed a bright red at the memories that came flooding back.

Him turning towards Hangyul instinctively while watching this movie, now having his hopes crushed that the other hadn't actually noticed that.   
Hangyul holding his hand as he led them throught the haunted basement at the halloween fair.   
Hangyul's hands on his hips as he steadied him when he jumped from a windowsill.  
Hangyul securing Yohan's hands around his waist so he would be safe on his motorcycle.

And Yohan surprised himself a little, when he replied with a soft-spoken: "I know."

"Good", Hangyul said sounding satisfied and he moved to face him so quickly that Yohan barely noticed it before he was caged inbetween Hangyul's arms, "then let's get back to the others."

Yohan tried to move as far back as possible, his back pressing against the counter top when Hangyul reached for something behind him. Within a second however, Hangyul already leaned back again and now held the bowl of popcorn in his hands. He smiled as he put some of it in his mouth, the canine fangs peeking out every now and then.  
Yohan let out a long breath and when Hangyul made his way back to the living room, he followed right behind him.

They handed the bowl of popcorn to Jinhyuk and reclaimed their vacant spots on the sofa although it looked like Seungyoun and Wooseok had sprawled a little compared to how they had been sitting before. Not wanting to push them back over too much Yohan sat down and discreetly tried to put as much space between himself and Hangyul as Seungyoun gave him. His skirt rode up slightly when he tried to find a more comfortable seating position and he smoothed it out nervously.  
And for a grand total of about ten minutes Yohan was holding up okay. A determined look on his face and his hands balled into fists.   
But as soon as the next movie character got suddenly murdered in a gruesome way he shut his eyes closed and turned his head away, giving up his brave facade without much of a fight. He bit down hard on his bottom lip to keep it from trembling.

When he slowly opened his eyes again the first thing he saw was a piece of black clothing. And when he lifted his head he realized he had pressed it against Hangyul's shoulder, used his strong arm to block out any fears the movie scene triggered in him. Hastily, he sat up straight again and looked around to see if anyone had noticed.   
Yuvin was sitting on the floor, only half paying attention to the movie while he was texting someone on his phone. Jinhyuk and Seungwoo were still snuggled up under a blanket together and whispered to each other in hushed voices. And Seungyoun just made another comment about the comedic potential this scene of the movie had and he practically beamed when Wooseok let out a little laugh. Everything around him kept going as usual and Yohan briefly wondered why he worried that his behaviour towards Hangyul mattered so much.

He stole a quick glance at the man sitting to his right but even Hangyul's eyes were strictly trained on the TV screen. And just as Yohan was about to simply clench his teeth, sit back straight and force himself to endure another hour of this movie he felt a slight touch to his leg.  
Hangyul's hand was lying on his own leg, he must have retreated it quickly after nudging Yohan. His eyes still followed the TV but his hand was lying there, palm up and open, and as close to Yohan as possible without actually touching the other.

Yohan really hadn't meant to do it, wasn't even sure he didn't just misunderstand Hangyul's gesture. But when he turned his surprised gaze back to the movie without reacting to Hangyul's silent offer he immediately regretted it. For what must have been the fifth time that night he closed his eyes with much more force than necessary, as if that would drown out the excruciating screams coming from the TV too.  
And although he was very much safe in that moment, warm and protected in Seungyoun's living room, he blindly reached for Hangyul's hand like his life depended on it. Like he had clung to him when they drove his motorcycle through the night.   
Yohan could feel Hangyul move his arm slightly from where his face was leaning against it, only to make their position more comfortable and intertwine their fingers.  
Hangyul didn't let go of Yohan's hand and Yohan didn't open his eyes again. He never wanted to see this movie anyway.

The first thing Yohan sensed after a long time was the feeling of someone else drawing slow circles on the back of his hand. He tried to open his eyes but it was harder than it should have been when he had just closed them for a second.   
His whole body resisting the need to come back to consciousness fully, he could feel himself move even closer the the warm sturdy figure next to him. The circular movement on his hand halted for a second but then continued again after another heartbeat.   
Somewhere far far back in his mind he could hear a sound like an alarm shrilling, trying to tell him that something was wrong about this situation. But Yohan, in his still half-unconscious state, couldn't bring himself to care.  
He felt comfortable and content and safe and he hadn't slept this close to another person in a very very long time.

At once Yohan felt fully awake. The realization that he had fallen asleep hit his drowsy mind with full force and he immediately tried to sit up straight as fast as his sleepy body allowed him. The soft stroke of a thumb on the back of his hand stopped once more but they didn't let go of his hand.  
His head felt like it was spinning and only when he eventually blinked his bleary eyes open did the context of his situation come back to his mind.

Hangyul was sitting next to him, looking at him with curious eyes that Yohan was quick to avoid. Instead he chose to take in the rest of his surroundings which felt surprisingly empty. No Yuvin, none of Seungyoun's loud comments and no movie playing on the TV screen.  
Then there was a light squeeze to his hand and his attention was forced back to the only other person in this room with him.

"You're awake", was all Hangyul said as if it was the most normal thing in the world for Yohan to wake up cuddled up to him, their hands still clasped together tightly.

Just now fully realizing the position he was in, Yohan hastily let go of Hangyul's hand and scooted as far away from his as possible on the small sofa. He noticed that there was a blanket covering his skirtand legs which hadn't been there before but he still shuddered at the sudden loss of contact.

He cleared his throat, voice husky after he hadn't used for who knew how long, and he couldn't bring himself to look at Hangyul when he finally spoke: "I'm so sorry."

Before Hangyul even had the chance to reply he continued quickly: "You should've woken me up."

"Yuvin told us you were up all night writing a paper", Hangyul started to explain at the same time as the phone he was holding in his other hand lit up with a notification, "and Seungwoo said we should let you rest."

"Then you should have left", Yohan attempted to cover up the embarrassment he felt by sounding overly determined.

Hangyul made an indistinctive sound to show that he was listening as he was typing a short reply to the text he had just received, then: "I thought it might wake you up if I leave."

Even if he had tried, Yohan couldn't wrap his mind around the question why Lee Hangyul should worry if he was woken up from a nap. Not to mention a nap during which he was shamelessly clinging to the man.

"It's fine", Hangyul replied to Yohan's many unspoken thoughts, "I was still talking with the other guys."

Instead of offering an explanation he held up his phone when the screen lit up with yet another incoming text. The words _Spooky Squad_ appeared for Yohan to see.

"Shouldn't you be in this groupchat too?", Hangyul trailed off when Yohan still didn't trust himself to put any of his jumbled thoughts into a coherent sentence.

"Ah, yes!", the phone was once more directed towards Yohan but this time it showed the list of contacts who were members in that conversation, "there you are."

At the very bottom of the list Yohan could see his own name. His name and some emoji he had trouble recognizing with his still slightly blurry vision. After he rubbed his sleepy eyes and took one more closer look the emoji started to take shape.  
It was most definitely a baby. The actual virtual representation of an infant.

"A baby?!", Yohan's voice finally found some of its strength and volume again.

"Yeah, isn't it cute?", Hangyul took back his phone with a smile on his face and paid Yohan's shocked reaction no mind, "I think it suits you."

Only when Yohan still didn't reply after almost a full minute, Hangyul looked up to see his expression.

"What? Is the way you saved my number even more funny and charming than this?"

Yohan was just glad that he had actually decided to save the other's number a while ago so he didn't have to lie now.

"It's just your name."

"My full name?"

"Yes", Yohan confirmed with emphasis when he started to grow a little irritated, "Hangyul comma Lee, isn't that your name?"

"Hangyul comma Lee", with the way he repeated those words he sounded almost personally offended by them, "the only time I think I've ever heard someone say that was when I crushed my bike years ago and a nurse had to call out my name."

Despite his irritation at their conversation Yohan's head jerked up to look at Hangyul, surprise and worry etched onto his features.

"You had an accident with your motorcycle?"

"What?", Hangyul was starting to look just as confused as Yohan did, "no, I meant like an actual bicycle. I was twelve when that happened."

Yohan spared them both the continuation of that conversation and just shook his head at it. He hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep to deal with this.

"Maybe change the way you saved my number", Hangyul made it sound more like a question than a request, "and talk a little more in the groupchat. You never reply to any of the messages."

Truthfully, Yohan simply didn't think any of them were ever directed at him. He read through most of them but never really felt like his input was needed in their conversations, like anyone was actually waiting for him to send a text at least once in a while.

"I'll think about it", Yohan's voice sounded strangely quiet when he replied. The only thing more strange was the way he suddenly felt all warm again. Almost like he had when Hangyul had still been holding his hand.  
The silence after that grew awkward quickly and Yohan couldn't figure out if he had caused that. Either way he felt like was the one who needed to fix it.

"Where did everyone go anyway?", he asked in hopes of ending whatever weird one-on-one situation he had found himself in with Lee Hangyul. He didn't know why this kept happening to him when he was clearly trying to avoid it.  
Apparently waking up closely cuddled up to someone didn't necessarily mean that person would seem less intimidating afterwards.

"They went into the kitchen a while ago to cook Jinhyuk's noodles", Hangyul said and it took Yohan a moment to make sense of that sentence.

"Wait", he began when he finally remembered what the other was referring to, "I thought those spaghetti were part of his costume."

At that Hangyul only shrugged his shoulders as if to say he didn't understand it any better than Yohan did. He checked the time on his phone and showed Yohan a small smile as he finally stood up from the sofa.

"They should probably be done making the food now."

With that he made his way to the kitchen, laughter and talking voices suddenly spilling out when he opened the door as if he had just broken the seal of something magical. And Yohan was left alone.  
Left to ask himself how and why he could have possibly felt so calm that he fell asleep while a horror movie was playing in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is anyone still reading this? i hope so because i have quite a few things to say  
as u can tell by how long it took me to post this i have been really busy and with x1 disbanding i just didnt feel like anyone would read this anymore  
personally i think i could still continue this story bc i obviously only ever see real people as inspiration nothing more!! but that wouldnt make a lot of sense if everyone stopped reading stories inspired a group just bc they disbanded  
i do have about 10 more chapters planned out for this plot (camping trips, a little fake dating..maybe some light angst) but i would really need some motivation to follow through with that despite everything thats going on
> 
> what im trying to say is.. if anyone is still interested in reading this please plase let me know! i hadnt touched this story in months but managed to write up half of this chapter in the two days since i got that most recent comment so uhh.... that actually works wonders
> 
> anyway! this is soo long i just hope whoever reads this is doing okay and everyone keeps supporting all x1 members no matter what!!


	5. [five]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i know its been 4 months again but this chapter is by far the longest yet so i hope that makes up for it a little
> 
> trigger warning! mentions of alcohol, sexual harassment, minor injuries and some swearing
> 
> (see the end for looong notes)

"So...", Yuvin's voice trailed off like he was still debating whether he actually wanted to say these words, "there is this guy who I think is really cute." 

Yohan looked up from his phone, body sprawled lazily on his bed, and sent his friend a questioning look. 

"You think every guy and girl on this campus is cute", he countered but there was no accusation hidden in it, simply a matter-of-fact comment. 

When Yuvin went to sit next to Yohan on his bed and tugged the sleeves of his sweater over his hands, Yohan's interest got piqued. Song Yuvin was many things but shy was not one of them. Especially when it came to talking about his latest crush, or that is how it had usually always been. The way he took a deep breath now before he continued speaking was so unlike himself that Yohan couldn't help but be intrigued to find out what or who had caused this behaviour. 

"I'm serious right now", the smile on Yuvin's face looked a little shaky almost as if he himself couldn't believe it, "I think I could really like him." 

And as much as Yohan would have loved to use this chance to tease his best friend, the hint of vulnerability in Yuvin's shy smile wouldn't let him. If he wanted to talk about this seriously Yohan would try his very best to be a supportive friend. 

"That means...", Yohan was trying to find the right words to prompt Yuvin to tell him more about this mistery man, "you think he's hot?"

The only answer he got for that was a short light hit to his arm. Yohan winced overly dramatically and rubbed his hand over the spot where Yuvin's fist had met his shoulder. 

"What?", he said defensively and his bottom lip jutted out in a pout, "that's how it usually went when you had a crush on someone in High School!" 

"Well, I'm not in High School anymore." 

The snorting laugh Yohan had been trying to hold back escaped at once but he sat up straight to put his arm around Yuvin's shoulders in a sympathetic manner. 

"Right, I know we've a matured greatly since then and are now ready to get married or whatever", Yohan was satisfied with the eye roll he received at that, it seemed more like the Yuvin he knew and loved, "so what's the lucky guy's name?"

"Sejin", Yuvin mumbled as if he was still doubting his decision to have this conversation right now, "he's a friend of Byungchan and the other guys." 

But as soon as Yuvin mentioned Lee Sejin the monologue of a lovestruck fool poured out from his heart as if a dam had just broken. Yohan attempted to throw in a word here and there but there was no stopping Yuvin at this point. All he could do was open and close his mouth as Yuvin rambled on about Sejin's soft pink hair, his creativity in making small plushies that Yohan didn't quite catch the name of and his talent in acting, which he pursued as his major. He was around Seungyoun's age, a few years their senior in college, and he had apparently been the one who had helped Yuvin borrow his Dorian Grey costume from the drama department. 

When Yohan finally got the chance to insert himself back into this now one-sided conversation, he asked about the one thing he'd been curious about for a while now: "Is he the one you've been texting when you've been on your phone all the time lately?" 

The light pink colour that spread on Yuvin's cheeks immediately was the only answer needed for that question. It was endearing really, to see the ever so confident Yuvin get shy at the bare mention of someone he liked. 

"Please", he whined and leaned his head on Yohan's shoulder to look up at him through his long eyelashes, "I need your help." 

"You know I love you", Yohan said and patted his friends thigh in an attempt at showing support, "but I really don't see how I'm involved in all this. Why would you want my help when you always say I'm the worst at this stuff?" 

Yuvin let out a long long sigh, like the world's heavy weight had been put on his shoulders alone. He straightened his back, a sign that his next words would be important, and levelled Yohan with a serious look. 

"We all want to go out to a club together this weekend", he began to explain and Yohan already didn't like where this conversation was going, "but Byungchan can't go with us. He's hanging out with Sejun again." 

But before Yohan even had a second to ask what Byungchan and his boyfriend had to with any of this Yuvin continued, his voice rising a little in volume with how intensely he was speaking. 

"Seungyoun and Wooseok won't even look at anyone but each other", he sounded more desperate with every word he spoke, "we're going to be an uneven number of people and my chances at having some one-on-one time with Sejin will be zero!" 

Yohan couldn't do anything but look at his friend disbelievingly, the arms with which he had held him for emotional and physical support went slack around Yuvin's body. It should have been no surprise that Yuvin would entertain a train of thought like this one considering how he never settled for failure at anything. No matter the situation, he would do his best and more to ensure that his chance of success was at its highest percentage possible. It was his natural ambition and hard working nature that made him strive for perfection and thorough planning in any context.  
Yohan supposed with matters of love it wasn't any different for him. Of course if Yuvin was going out with his crush he would try to maximize his chances and minimize the possibility of distraction or competition. 

"What if Sejin will fall for Hangyul instead?!", Yuvin seemed genuinely threatened by that prospect and dragged a hand through his hair nervously. A night out with Seungyoun and all his closest friends, Yohan should have expected Hangyul's name to drop in this conversation sooner or later. 

He just shrugged his shoulders at it and used his most nonchalant voice when he eventually spoke up for the first time in a long while: "I don't see how Hangyul would have anything to do with you and your crush either." 

"Seriously Yohan", and Yuvin finally seemed to be a little distracted from his own breakdown to send his friend a judging look, "just because you're the most tragic gay man to walk this earth doesn't mean others don't notice how attractive Hangyul is."

Yohan let out a small huffed sound and crossed his arms over his chest. Why his reaction was so defensive Yohan wouldn't be able to tell. It wasn't like he actually felt insulted by Yuvin's words. The accusation had just simply been wrong. Obviously Yohan had noticed how good looking Lee Hangyul was. One must truly be the biggest fool to deny that, it seemed like an objective fact. Like the unquestionable fact that no one could ever hate Han Seungwoo for a valid reason.  
Yohan had noticed that Hangyul was attractive. Granted, it had taken him a while to be able to look at the man long enough without getting scared to accept anything other than his first impression. But when Yohan thought of Hangyul now, although still somewhat intimidated, he thought of a very much handsome man. A good looking man who let tired strangers sleep on his shoulder and used pictures of puppies for the lockscreen on his phone. Perhaps, Yohan had to admit Yuvin's worries weren't as far-fetched as he had initially thought. 

"So, what do you want me to do?", he finally gave in and looked at Yuvin still slightly sceptical. 

"Come with us!", Yuvin exclaimed like he had desperately been waiting to ask for his best friend's help, "at least to even out the numbers so I won't be stuck in an awkward three-way conversation." 

Like an afterthought, either it just came to him now or was purposely kept to be last, he added: "I'm sure Hangyul would be distracted enough to forget all about Sejin and me."

Yohan had no idea what that comment was supposed to mean but it sounded entirely too outlandish for him to accept. Even just agreeing to go to a club with his friends would be a leap of faith, hoping that for once things wouldn't go terribly wrong for him. 

"Don't give me that look", Yohan said and resisted the urge to cross his arms over his chest for a second time, "and don't count on me to play that much of an active role in whatever you're scheming." 

"But...", Yuvin began and Yohan could practically hear the hope in his voice, "you'll play a little role? You'll come with us?" 

Five more seconds passed in silence, just to make Yuvin suffer a tiny bit for this success. 

"Fine", Yohan agreed eventually and his best friend's face lit up with a bright smile, "but I'm only going with you for moral support. It won't be my fault if you mess things up with your crush."

Two days and a few drinks later, it turned out that if anyone was in need of moral support that night it would be Yohan.  
He was sitting at the bar of some gay nightclub he had never been to before, his head buzzing lightly from the round of drinks his friends had ordered a while ago before they left to join the body of people on the crowded dance floor. Multicolored floodlights flickered around the scenery in hectic patterns, reflected off the metallic walls and cast a rainbow-like glow on the ecstatic partygoers. Where Yohan was sitting at the far end of the bar those lights never quite reached him.  
When he looked up from his empty glass he noticed someone pushing through the crowd, making his way into Yohan's direction. Another tall man got rushed to the side and Wooseok stepped forward to sit on the empty stool next to him. His perfectly styled hair still looked completely untouched, as if he hadn't been dancing in a crowd of sweaty excited people for the most part of the last hour. He waved at the bartender to order a drink and finally, after struggling a little to get onto the high bar stool, turned to smile at Yohan. It was bright and genuine and it was probably the first time Yohan had ever seen him look this carefree. 

Although Yohan didn't agree when gossip on campus whispered about how cold Kim Wooseok looked, for one reason or another Wooseok always seemed to be burdened by something that damped the intensity of his smiles just a little. Or maybe he was just shy and wasn't actually that close to Yohan. Considering Yohan's first semester, it might have been the first time he was somewhat alone with the other student at all. Either way, Yohan appreciated the smile for what it was and tried not to allow his slightly alcohol induced mind to analyse Wooseok's entire character and personality. He had never been good at reading people anyway, let alone after having a drink. 

"Yuvin looks like he's having a good time", Wooseok said, leaning a little closer to Yohan so he could hear him over the loud remix of Billie Eilish's bad guy that was blasting through the speakers around them.

He pointed to a spot a little left to the dance floor where a few people stood with their drinks in hand and swayed to the beat of the music in a more relaxed way. Yohan could spot his best friend easily thanks to Sejin's light pink hair that stood out in the semi darkness.  
The two were standing close together, Sejin shaking his head with laughter at something funny Yuvin must have said. The way they leaned against the wall and into each other's space seemed almost too casual, too genuine and intimate compared to the people surrounding them. And even across the whole room, even with the lights flashing in crazy colours, Yohan could tell that his best friend was completely smitten by the cotton candy haired boy. 

"I'm so happy to see that", Yohan said back and despite how bored and lonely he had felt seconds ago he was telling the truth. 

This was what they had come there for in the first place. Seeing Yuvin smile at the boy he liked with so much admiration was worth any discomfort Yohan could have possibly felt. And it wasn't as if he had been forced to go along with his friends' plans. Even if he wouldn't admit it to them, he had genuinely wanted to go with them and see how this night would play out.  
A decision he started to regret when he had told all of them it was fine if they went ahead to dance without him. Yohan was totally fine staying back as the only person in the group with no experience in dancing whatsoever. The people on the dance floor were either showing off that they knew how to dance or grinded against the first random person next to them and Yohan couldn't tell which of these two prospects scared him more. So he had taken residence at the bar, right at the end where he didn't feel obligated to order drinks constantly. It had only taken a few minutes for him to lose sight of his friends in the crowd of dancers. Judging by how Yuvin and Sejin looked like they were completely lost in their won little world now it seemed like they didnt need help distracting possible competitors either. 

"Where's Seungyoun?", Yohan turned to Wooseok and he didn't even have to ask who was with their friend while Wooseok was sitting next to Yohan. Seungwoo and Jinhyuk hadn't joined them for their club night because according to Yuvin "they rather stay home to watch a movie together like the old married couple they are". None of the people in Seungyoun's wider group of friends went along either and Yuvin and his crush were somewhat preoccupied at the moment. So it really was no surprise to Yohan when Wooseok pointed across the dance floor where they could spot Seungyoun with none other than Lee Hangyul. Earlier that night when they had arrived at the nightclub Yohan had greeted Hangyul shortly so for once he actually was not surprised by the man's presence. 

What he was not prepared for however was what he saw when his eyes landed on the two, close together on the dance floor. Yohan's eyes widened and everything but the two boys blurred in his periphery, his gaze fixed on their dancing figures and Billie Eilish's bad guy as only a dull thumping beat in the background that didn't manage to ring through to him.  
He had already known that they used to be on a dance team together, Hangyul himself had told him about that a while ago. However, that knowledge couldn't have ever prepared him for what was happening now. The way Seungyoun and Hangyul moved together, bodies impossibly close and drawing attention with every single one of their moves, Yohan thought that wasn't something they had learned for their High School talent showcase.  
Their hands were all over each other, resting on hips or draped over shoulders, in each other's hair and then on Hangyul's arm when Seungyoun hit him playfully and took a step back. His head was thrown back with carefree laughter and he didn't seem to mind when someone passing by bumped against him and sent him back stumbling into Hangyul's hold.  
They looked entirely like this was where they belonged. Yohan was certain he did not. His strange trance like state was only broken when Wooseok spoke up again. 

"They're completely shameless", he scolded but it sounded more fond than anything. 

The smile on his face hadn't faltered at all and Yohan wondered how he could look so unconditionally happy. How he didn't feel even a little bitterness, jealousy over their confidence or the attention they drew of everyone around them or the fact that someone was holding the boy he liked close like this. For a split second Yohan worried that some of that bitterness would instead show on his own traitorous face. 

"You don't mind if I join them again, do you?", Wooseok continued and his smile grew even wider when Seungyoun turned around like he was looking for someone. When their eyes met Seungyoun gestured wildly for the two at the bar to join them on the dance floor. 

"Of course not", Yohan could barely hear his own voice over the music, like his head was stuck underwater, "go ahead and have fun! 

And with that Yohan was left alone again, the bar stool next to him as empty as the glass in his hand. The alcohol had given him a little false courage so he didn't feel as anxious as one would expect of him in this situation. It was just a shame that he didn't feel comfortable enough to join his friends in all the fun they were having. However, before Yohan's mind had the chance to spiral down further with negativity he got startled out of his thoughts by someone moving the previously empty chair next to him. 

The person leaned far into Yohan's personal space to move the bar stool before they sat down eventually. Every bit of room in that club seemed to be crowded with people so Yohan didn't think too much of it and simply tried to make himself as small as possible so he wouldn't bump into the stranger next to him. After a few seconds however, Yohan looked up and his brow furrowed with confusion when he realized that Wooseok didn't, not even when he had leaned in to speak to Yohan, sit as close to him as this stranger. And when Yohan tried to scoot back a little and quickly glanced at that person he was met with a fixed stare and an expression that was more of a smirk than a polite smile. 

Sitting next to him was a man who looked like he couldn't be more than a few years older than him, a good looking head with black hair was sitting on broad shoulders and Yohan thought his eyes could have been pretty if his smile reached them. But it didn't and that distorted facial expression made Yohan feel a little uneasy. 

"I see your glass is empty", the stranger said and he moved even closer so he didn't have to raise his deep voice to be heard, "do you want me to get you another one?" 

Yohan was dense when it came to a lot of things but for once he knew what was happening, hyperaware of every little move the man next to him did. He flinched instinctively when the man's hand almost casually touched his as if he wanted to take Yohan's glass from him. 

"My name is Gunmin by the way", the man all but purred and didn't pull his hand back, almost caging Yohan in with the way his arm rested on top of the bar. 

Yohan resolutely moved his glass further away and put it down out of his reach. A small part of him felt like he was overreacting, like he should let loose for once and that this was just one of his oversensitive defense mechanisms kicking in again when he felt cornered. When he had agreed to this night out at a gay club he had been aware that there was a possibility someone might hit on him and although he got very nervous when those situations occured he wasn't actually entirely opposed to the idea of it.  
There was just something about the man next to him now, about the way he smiled with only one corner of his mouth and licked his lips as he continued staring at Yohan, that triggered his fight or flight reflex. Unfortunately for himself and his pride as a taekwondo champion however, Yohan had never been much of a fighter outside the gym. Instead he settled on giving the stranger the coldest glare he could muster.

"No thank you Gunmin", he emphasized the man's name to show that he knew him, the kind of person he was and the type of game he was trying to play, "I think I'll pass." 

Gunmin on the other hand didn't seem discouraged by that at all and for the first time since he had sat down an emotion flickered through his dark eyes. His smile widened but there was no kindness in it and Yohan suspected that his efforts to reject the man had had the opposite effect. 

"I bet you have a pretty name to match your pretty face", he continued and looked up at Yohan through long lashes, an attempt at looking innocent that failed to hide the dangerous glint shining in his eyes. 

"I don't think I need to take up that bet", was all Yohan said and he pointedly looked anywhere but at the man next to him. 

"I see, you're one of the shy ones", the response came immediately and Yohan's whole body tensed at the words, "those are always the most fun." 

At this point Yohan was desperate for a distraction, anything that excused him from having to pay this stranger any attention. He took out his phone and mindlessly scrolled through it, either to appear busy and disinterested or to reassure himself that if all things went wrong he had the police on speed dial.

"Don't worry about telling me your name", Gunmin continued talking unperturbed and he leaned in so close that Yohan could smell the alcohol in his breath, "I can call you all kinds of things when I make you get out of here with me." 

There was a wall to Yohan's left as he was sitting at the end of the bar, he could feel the rough concrete against his arm when he tried to put as much distance between himself and the stool to his right. It was almost painful how his shoulder was pressed against the wall but that little pain was a welcome distraction from the panic he could feel rising in his chest. He needed something to ground him before the threatening waves of fear could hit him at full force. 

And Yohan froze in shock when suddenly there was a hand grabbing his thigh, forceful and far too high on his leg to be misinterpreted. Yohan wanted to scream, to calm down, to do anything against the feeling that constricted his throat and stopped his lungs from filling with air.  
And then, just as sudden, there was a body between him and the predator. They pushed the intruding hand off simply by standing by Yohan's side and instead placed their own reassuringly on his shoulder. 

"Hey baby", Yohan heard Hangyul's voice and the iron grip on his lungs loosened at once.

When Yohan turned towards him and their eyes met Hangyul's expression was the complete opposite of the one Gunmin had been showing. The sharp edges of Hangyul's face softened around a warm smile and Yohan could instantly feel the raging panic inside of him weaken to a more even tide.  
Hangyul's previously styled hair was falling onto his forehead in messy strands and his breathing came out a little staggered. His hand on Yohan's shoulder however was firm and steady. The man sitting next to them let out a cheerless laugh and forced Yohan's attention back to him before he could even react to Hangyul's sudden appearance. 

"Your boyfriend?", he asked and pointed at Hangyul whose kind smile immediately turned sour when he looked at the speaking man. 

It was obvious that Gunmin was trying to appear unbothered, confident and not at all annoyed by the interruption but he failed terribly at it. His whole body, from his jaw to his hands that he clenched into fists, was tense and his lazy smile did nothing to conceal that.  
Hangyul was about to reply although the question hadn't been directed at him but Yohan was fast to speak for himself now that his anxiety had died down slightly. 

"That is none of your business", Yohan said and was proud to see the other man's eyes flicker around for a second to avoid having to look at him. His answer had been very clear and Yohan only had half a mind to wonder what Hangyul might have replied to that question. Whether he would have denied it or played the part to get rid of the offending man, Yohan missed the chance to find that out. 

"I think you shouldn't let someone so pretty sit around alone like this", Gunmin continued and this time he looked straight at Hangyul, a challenge posed by the way he smirked at him. The light grip Hangyul still had on Yohan's shoulder tightened momentarily but then he sent the stranger an equally sarcastic smile. 

"And I think you should learn to take a hint when someone rejects you", when he spoke those words his voice sounded even deeper than it usually did. 

It had been a while since Yohan had genuinely thought of Lee Hangyul as a scary person. There were still more times than he would like to admit when he got intimidated by the man but he rarely seemed frightening anymore. In that moment however, an overly sweet smile on his face and his voice growling deeper than it had ever before in Yohan's presence, Hangyul looked every part the gang member Yohan used to think he was. Luckily enough, it seemed to have a similar effect on Gunmin who suddenly scrambled to his feet as if he was in a hurry. 

"Fine", he said and tried to sound overly confident to mask his defeat as self-determined retreat, "I'll let you take your feisty pretty boy." 

He pushed past Hangyul, shoved him out of his way a little harder than necessary and for a moment it seemed like Hangyul would follow him. His mouth was already open and ready to call the man back, probably to give him a piece of his mind. His irritated glare followed him as he stepped past Yohan and sent him one last wink. The previously calming and reassuring hand on Yohan's shoulder slipped off to form a fist.  
But just as he was about to step forward Yohan grabbed his hand and Hangyul's every movement came to an abrupt halt as if forced by a magic spell. Yohan desperately wanted to turn Hangyul's attention away from the aggravating stranger who had just left so he tugged Hangyul closer to himself by their linked hands. When he finally turned to look back at Yohan the tense wrinkles on his face faded into an easy-going smile.  
He went to take a seat on the now vacant bar stool and Yohan's hand lingered just a second longer around his before he withdrew it again quickly. 

"I guess we really shouldn't have lost sight of our group's baby", Hangyul was clearly teasing by using that pet name, although his smile faltered somehow when he tore his eyes away from where their hands had just touched. 

"You are literally the youngest out of everyone", Yohan reminded him kindly and despite himself, despite the unsettling situation he had been forced into a few moments ago, he laughed. Hangyul shook his head and joined in the odd laughter.  
Yohan realized he hated that the music around them was so loud that he couldn't actually hear his laugh. For some strange reason he couldn't name he thought the sound might have been comforting.  
But even with obnoxious music blaring from the speakers above, various people shouting for the barkeeper to order a drink and a serious lack of fresh air in the building, Yohan could feel himself relax for the first time that night. The smile on Hangyul's face was genuine and bright and Yohan couldn't help but mirror it with one of his own. Out of everyone who had come over to sit with him that night, he noticed he appreciated Hangyul the most. He didn't think that meant much beyond anything but then again it was hard to think straight at all with a drink and the shock of the previous events still in his system.  
However, the high of finally feeling comfortable turned upside down fast and without the threatening panic blocking all other feelings Yohan could feel some of the nastier ones claw their way up as words. 

"This is why I don't like going to gay bars", his own insecurity was hidden behind the anger that was sparked by how he had been treated by one awful person in this place. He was so caught up in those overwhelming emotions rushing at him belatedly and all at once that he missed the way Hangyul's smile dimmed and looked rather strained now. 

"The only difference to a regular nightclub is that people can be themselves here", Hangyul said calmly but somehow that serious tone startled Yohan more than anything, "we aren't all harassers like that guy." 

Immediately, Yohan could tell that there had been a misunderstanding when he tried to translate his confusing feelings into words. And being misunderstood was high up on his list of core existential fears. Right at the top with his fears of failure and clowns. He was so stunned by it that he didn't even register the personal pronoun Hangyul had just used.

"That's not what I meant", Yohan clarified hastily, then his shoulders sagged with a resigned sigh, "it's just so much easier to reject girls." 

"Because they don't make you uncomfortable?", Hangyul guessed and his voice still had an uncharacteristically sharp edge to it. 

"Because with girls there is no chance of me possibly being interested", Yohan corrected and the words so much as tumbled out of his mouth. 

When he realized what he had just admitted his eyes widened in surprise at his own honesty and bluntness. At this point in his life Yohan wasn't actively trying to hide his sexuality anymore but he also wasn't exactly out to the whole world either.  
He lived by a simple rule: If someone asked him directly he would most likely tell them that he was solely attracted to men. What he learned through that and which was working in his favour was the fact that no one ever actually asked those questions outright.  
Most of his friends knew, especially those he had just recently made in university seemed to have had it figured out very quickly. And while Yohan neither felt comfortable and confident enough in his sexuality like Yuvin and Seungyoun nor had a stable supportive relationship like Seungwoo and Jinhyuk, he appreciated how easy it felt to be himself around them. Contrary to that, Yohan's family never found out about this part of him and he would be thoroughly content if it stayed that way. Maybe one day he would deal with that but he certainly wouldn't dwell on it now.  
Another person who appeared to be oblivious to it all was Lee Hangyul. Or at least he had been until this moment. 

"Oh", was all he said, no other words followed to explain his reaction and a blush began to spread across Yohan's cheeks when neither of them said anything for a few heartbeats. He hoped the red on his cheeks would pass as a result of the hot air and sticky atmosphere around them.  
When Hangyul still didn't say anything to his sudden confession after some more seconds passed Yohan was starting to grow a little anxious. He felt a little squeamish under Hangyul's direct gaze, his head tilted to the side slightly as if he was lost in thought over something very important. 

"Maybe I should order another drink", Yohan finally spoke up and broke the oddly intense eye contact to wave at a bartender nearby. 

He had said it more to himself than anyone else but the words seemed to have brought Hangyul back into the moment, who shook his head once and again let a wide smile take over his face. While the bartender prepared the drinks they had ordered Yohan stole a quick glance at Hangyul who had moved on to talk about how ridiculously Seungyoun acted on the dance floor to win Wooseok's attention. The fondness in his eyes when he talked about Seungyoun didn't change when he caught Yohan already looking at him. If anything, it almost seemed to shine even brighter. 

Yohan had known for a while that Hangyul was a very good looking man, attractive in that intimidating way he usually carried himself. But now that Yohan had seen the stark contrast between these two impressions Hangyul could give off, Yohan thought he preferred the one he was showing now. All kind smiles and easy going banter. It was the complete opposite of how he had looked earlier when Yohan had been pestered by that stranger but it was attractive nonetheless. 

Yohan took another sip of his drink, unable to remember when the bartender had even given it to them, and he was sure the alcohol was getting to his head because his thoughts jumped around at an incredible speed. His mind was spinning, from how he had just accidentally come out to the unanswered question if Hangyul had actually done the same and back to the most recent memory of holding Hangyul's hand. He blinked a few times and dragged his gaze from Hangyul's face to his hand that was lying on top of the bar. If he wanted, Yohan thought it would be easy to reach out and hold it once more.  
They continued to talk about everything and nothing and all the while Hangyul kept smiling. The only thing Yohan's overwhelmed mind registered was that Lee Hangyul looked really good when he smiled. 

"I'm sorry", Hangyul said after a while and his smile turned somewhat sad. He didn't actually specify what he was sorry for and it left Yohan more than just a little confused. 

As if he could read the missing information on his face, Yohan leaned closer to look at Hangyul properly. "Sorry for what?", he asked as quiet as possible despite the loud club music. Almost like he expected Hangyul to share a secret with him. 

"We always do things as a group together that put you in uncomfortable situations", Hangyul explained eventually and for some reason unknown to Yohan he appeared to be actually bothered by that thought. Yohan already missed his smile. 

"I'm the one who should apologize", he was therefore quick to blame himself instead, "you always have to deal with me and we're not even friends." 

It had been his goal to bring back Hangyul's smile and although the corners of his mouth tugged up slightly, Yohan still felt like he had failed. There was something strained and guarded about the look on Hangyul's face, his posture straightened up just barely on the old bar stool. If Yohan didn't train his undivided attention on the other man he surely would've missed it.  
But then the song blasting from the speakers changed abruptly, the lights flickered in new colourful patterns over Hangyul's face and Yohan thought maybe he had just imagined the strange reaction to his words. 

For the most part of the night the music that was playing had been foreign pop music so Yohan perked up unconsciously when he recognized the song that had just came on. Without even realizing that he was doing it his upper body swayed on the bar stool to the deep bass of KNK's Sunset and only when his eyes met Hangyul's again did his movements come to a halt.  
Hangyul was looking at him curiously, one eyebrow raised and Yohan immediately felt overcome by a familiar sense of self-consciousness. Like he had been caught doing something that he wasn't supposed to. 

"They havent played many korean songs tonight", he said in an unprompted attempt to defend himself, "I like this one." 

For a short moment Hangyul continued to look like he was contemplating something, then he seemed to have made up his mind. 

"Do you want to dance?" Yohan had just raised his glass to drink the last sip of his drink and almost spilled it when he visibly flinched at Hangyul's words. There were many reasons why he hadn't danced the whole night and he wouldn't change that simply because Lee Hangyul was asking. Not even when he smiled at Yohan like he did now. 

"I don't really know how to dance", Yohan settled on the easiest excuse because it was actually the truth. He had always admired and envied people who could dance but he never believed he could do it himself. 

"Don't worry", Hangyul said and Yohan hated to admit that those two words immediately nullified about half the reasons why he didn't want to dance, "I will teach you." 

Without even waiting for Yohan's reply Hangyul stood up and looked at him expectantly. Briefly, Yohan wondered if he acted so self-assured because he knew how much power he held. Or perhaps he was just a very optimistic person. There were still about a million reasons why Yohan thought he shouldn't do this but right now, with his mind fuzzy from the alcohol, Hangyul was enough of a reason to go against a million others. And with the way he was standing next to him now, confident and hopeful at the same time, Yohan really couldn't bring himself to disappoint him.  
He resolutely silenced the little voice in his head that was telling him this was a terrible idea and followed Hangyul in the direction of the dance floor. 

The further they went the more crowded it became and when he almost lost sight of Hangyul in front of him he blindly reached forward so he wouldn't get drowned in the swaying sea of people dancing around them. Hangyul simply looked back at him to make sure he was alright and then took his outstretched hand in his. And when someone bumped into Yohan, which would have sent him falling to the ground if it wasn't for the steady grip, Hangyul intertwined their hands and held onto him a little tighter. 

When they danced eventually it wasn't nearly as awkward as Yohan thought it should have been. His lack of dancing experience and his awkwardness around Hangyul should have set him up for failure but strangely enough the right moves came to him easily. Needless to say that his body was much more stiff than Hangyul's which moved to the beat unlike anything Yohan had ever seen before.  
During his teenage years he had idolised a fair share of performers but he realized Hangyul could have put all of them to shame. But instead of feeling small next to someone so good at what they were doing it somehow lifted Yohan's spirit higher and higher and the smile on his face was more genuine than it had been throughout the whole night. When Yohan felt someone else's back touch his he instinctively moved a little closer to Hangyul but the other didn't seem to mind. 

"You lied!", Hangyul laughed and casually put his arm around Yohan's waist so their bodies started to move in sync, "why did you say you can't dance?" 

"I swear I have never danced before!", Yohan protested but got interrupted by Hangyul guiding him to do a twirl, or the closest to it that was possible in the limited space they had. It was silly and entirely not appropriate for the type of music they were dancing to and maybe that's why Yohan loved it so much.  
There was nothing complicated about this, no reason to feel anxious despite the generally stressful situation this should have been for him. He laughed and laughed and only stopped when Hangyul suddenly leaned in very close, so close that he could feel his breath against his ear. 

"I guess you just have a natural talent for dancing", Hangyul said and his voice sounded surprisingly serious. But before Yohan could deny that with a joke Hangyul already took a step back again, his eyes trailing over Yohan as if he was trying to take everything about this moment in, maybe even worried about missing some of the details.  
Yohan wondered how he looked right then with the dazzling colourful lights shining on his face for the first time since he had arrived at this location. He glanced at the people around them and it hit him that he was intuitively moving along with them almost like they were all one, like he could actually belong there.  
And maybe Hangyul was right. Maybe there was actually a dancer hidden somewhere deep inside him, behind a wall of anxiety that might have been starting to shake a little with the booming bass of the music.

Yohan wouldn't have been able to tell how much time had passed when he eventually stumbled out of the club with Hangyul holding onto his arm. They didn't plan to leave without their friends but the air inside had gotten increasingly stuffy the longer the night went on so they had decided to get a breath of fresh air outside in the cold late autumn air. The effects of the alcohol subsided slowly and when the door to the nightclub closed behind them the sudden silence was almost more deafening than the music had been inside.  
There were quite a few people lingering in front of the building, some waiting at a bus stop nearby and others using the relative solitude to get a little more intimitate. Yohan quickly averted his gaze when it landed on two girls sharing a passionate goodbye under a street-lamp by the sidewalk. Instead he let himself get dragged along by Hangyul who went to lean against the side of the building for support.  
At this point the few drinks they had had should have barely influenced their behaviour anymore but for some reason Yohan still felt weirdly ecstatic. His head and heart were light, emotions he couldn't place or name were rushing through his veins. 

"You were frowning a lot when you were sitting at the bar earlier tonight", Hangyul said without any context and Yohan had to ask himself how he could have noticed that when he had been busy dancing with Seungyoun for the most part. Naturally Yohan's eyes had followed them on the dance floor but he thought he would have noticed if Hangyul had kept his gaze on him too. It was hard for him to imagine that him silently wailing in self-pity at a bar had been anything worth looking at. 

"You look happier now", Hangyul continued without waiting for a reply like he simply needed to speak those thoughts out loud. 

"I am", Yohan reassured and he surprised himself by his equally straightforward reaction. 

They smiled at each other, content with the little conversation they shared now that their bodies and minds were both exhausted from the dancing and the tiring atmosphere inside the nightclub. As much as the cold air helped them sober up, Yohan was beginning to feel the exhaustion wear him down. He yawned, closed his eyes for one second and when he opened them again they drifted away from Hangyul's soft smile.  
That was when he spotted someone who was looking directly at him with a smirk on his familiar face. 

"What's wrong?", Hangyul asked slightly alarmed and Yohan just then realized that he had instinctively tightened his hold on Hangyul's arm. 

"It's the guy who grabbed me earlier at the bar", he decided to answer with the truth but made sure to let go of Hangyul's arm. 

"I don't want to deal with him", he continued hastily when Hangyul immediately turned to look for him in the small groups of people gathered outside, "he's not worth our time or attention." 

The man in question however didn't take up the chance to act like his highly inappropriate behaviour had never occured. Instead, he took a step forward towards them and if it wasn't for the wall of the building at their backs, Yohan would have probably taken one back. 

"Hey pretty boy", he greeted Yohan and it was infuriating how casual he made it sound, "I'm glad to see you're having a good time now." Any hint of a smile had vanished from  
Hangyul's face and Yohan could feel the familiar anxiety building up. He hated it. He hated that he would let himself get intimidated by a man this repulsive and he hated how small it made him feel.  
Maybe it was the last trace of liquid courage in form of alcohol in his body or the disappointment at seeing Hangyul's smile disappear but Yohan was suddenly feeling sick. He was sick of letting this fear hold any power over him. 

"I already told you to get lost once", he could hear his own heartbeat so loud that it drowned out the sound of his voice shaking slightly when he spoke those words, "I don't think I have to tell you again." 

With that self-determined resolution he hooked his arm back around Hangyul's where it belonged, although the other's body felt more tense than it had before. He turned to leave the man standing there without sparing him so much as another glance.  
But before they could make it to the big metal doors leading back inside the building a mirthless, almost screeching laugh echoed over the dulled sounds of the city at night. 

"I hope your boyfriend gives it to you good so you can have something other than that stick up your a-" 

Yohan felt the loss of Hangyul's hand on his arm before the sentence had even fully registered in his overburdened brain. By the time he turned around Hangyul had already pinned the man against the nearest wall, a hand at the front of his shirt and the other clenched into a fist. 

"What's the problem?", Gunmin sneered like he found all of this to be very amusing, "don't tell me he's the one who top-" 

Once again Hangyul didn't allow him to finish his sentence and his impulsive reaction was so sudden that even Yohan flinched back. Although he wasn't the one whose face had just met Hangyul's fist.  
Yohan stood there, frozen in place and with a shiver running down his spine as Gunmin just laughed even louder and almost hysterically. 

"That's all you've got?", he spat at Hangyul and people around them started to turn their heads, whispered whether they should go get some security staff.  
But before anyone had the chance to do that Gunmin raised his own fist and hit Hangyul hard, much harder than he himself had been hit. The sound it made when his fist met Hangyul's right eye was painful to even just hear and Hangyul stumbled back from the impact of the hit. His hand had lost its grip on Gunmin's shirt but he was immediately rushing forward again. The look on his face was so unlike those soft smiles that he had shared with Yohan, the stark contrast was almost painful to see. It made Yohan feel like he himself was the one getting hit.  
There was a small cut on Hangyul's eyebrow where he had been hit and a few dark red droplets of blood trickled down towards his eye. 

As if a switch had been turned Yohan was suddenly feeling everything and too much at once. Like the whole scene had been playing on mute and someone just now turned up the volume to its maximum capacity. He wanted to cover his ears, to block out the shrilling sound of panic ringing in his ears. His instinct would always tell him to run away first. He could hear it tell him to do it now too.  
But then Hangyul took a step towards Gunmin again and Yohan did the same. 

"What are you doing?", he shouted at Hangyul, his own voice sounded foreign to himself. 

He had stepped inbetween the two fighting men and grabbed Hangyul's shoulders, was shaking him like he needed to be woken up from whatever raging trance he was currently trapped in. It did nothing to calm either of them down.  
Behind them Gunmin smiled at Hangyul infuriatingly sweet and slipped away without another word. Their fight had been nothing more than a means to an end, a fun little game for him to provoke this confrontation between the two men who had seemed way too happy without him. 

"He!", Hangyul began and tried to step past Yohan to stop the other from getting away. But for once Yohan didn't make himself smaller than he actually was and blocked Hangyul's attempt easily. 

"I don't care", Yohan shouted once more, then forced himself to take a deep breath. 

"You were the one who hit him first", Yohan continued and despite his desperate efforts to calm down he must have sounded frantic. His emotions were running wild, his pulse higher and faster than it should have been. He felt scared and vulnerable but above all, he was furious. His own panic seemed insignificant in the face of overpowering and devastating anger.  
It had taken everything he had to step back, to ignore Gunmin's harassment and not let fear take over his actions. He had built up a wall to protect himself meticulously, brick by brick, and Hangyul had sent it all crumbling down with one hit of his fist. 

"He insulted you!", Hangyul protested and his own raging emotions only shifted slightly to show a hint of confusion at Yohan's reaction. 

"Exactly, me not you!", Yohan wanted to make that difference very clear, "it wasn't up to you how I deal with it." 

"But -", Hangyul tried again but Yohan took another step towards him and that effectively shut him up. 

There was barely any space between them now and the little height difference between them was actually noticeable in that moment. Yohan felt strangely relieved to see that, like he needed physical proof that he could stand up tall on his own and for his own decisions.  
The world frightened him but trusting someome enough to rely on them was equally as scary to him. And the possibility that he needed to do that to survive in this cruel world was something he didn't like to think about. He didn't want to depend on anyone to stand up for him or make decisions that should have been his. For all his life he had been scared of being seen as weak and frightened and the fact that Hangyul seemed to think just that upset him more than he would admit even to himself. 

"I don't know why we keep ending up in situations where you think you need to save me or whatever", they stood so close together that Yohan could say those words without anyone but Hangyul hearing them, "but I'm not some fucking damsel in distress." 

A drop of blood threatened to fall down from Hangyul's eyebrow onto his eyelashes. For a brief second Yohan's mind provided flickering images of the times he had seen Hangyul's face with fake blood at the halloween fair and their movie night. In a different situation he might have reached out and wiped the red tear away. 

Yohan only faintly registered that the people around them had even moved, someone said something about security guards, others went to get on an arriving bus without looking back at them. The door to the nightclub behind them opened and a voice that vaguely resembled Seungyoun's spoke up louder than the others. Yohan's entire attention however was solely focused on Hangyul. 

"You're right, it was none of my business", Hangyul said after a short pause, took a step back and smiled weakly, "I should have remembered that you said we aren't even friends." 

It didn't matter if Yohan wanted to reply anything to that, to deny or confirm it. His mouth stayed shut like the confusing mass of emotions had forcefully sealed it. Whether that was for the best or the worst was impossible to tell and before his brain could catch up with his mouth again something else suddenly demanded his attention. 

"What's going on here?", Seungyoun's high alarmed voice pierced through the silence that had followed Hangyul's words, "are you okay?!" 

When he stepped closer and into Yohan's line of vision the scene felt like it unfolded in slow motion. Yohan was so overwhelmed that he struggled to follow Seungyoun's hectic movements as his friend jumped in front of him. Seungyoun immediately tried to check Yohan's whole body for any possible injuries and with his back turned towards Hangyul, he almost missed his best friend stepping away quietly. Their gaze only met for a split second when Seungyoun turned to check on him next.  
Hangyul's face was hard to read even for his closest friend. His eyebrows were furrowed and there was something sad about his eyes despite them being widened slightly. He seemed more shocked at his friend's sudden appearance and caring habit than the fight he had just been in. Just when Seungyoun was about to reach out to him Hangyul stumbled back. And with a few sudden long strides he was gone around the corner of the building and out of their sight before anyone could even call after him. 

"Hangyul!", Seungyoun tried anyway and his voice broke at the single word. The sound echoed onto the barely busy street surrounding the club but got drowned out by the noise of a car passing by.  
Hastily, Seungyoun looked back at Yohan and his pretty face was strained with worry. He obviously expected an explanation that Yohan wasn't sure he would be able to give. 

"Was that blood on Hangyul's face?", Seungyoun settled for a fairly easy question but his tone of voice suggested the opposite. 

The almost shrill sound should have had Yohan flinch back at least a little but his face remained oddly stoic and his mouth shut closed. Even when Seungyoun shook his shoulder, worry for both of his friends growing rapidly at their strange behaviour, Yohan couldn't bring himself to answer his simple question. There was still a storm raging inside his head but its whirlwind of thoughts wasn't strong enough to burst open his mouth. 

"He will be fine", Wooseok, who must have followed Seungyoun outside and stayed back until then, placed his hand gently on the spot where Seungyoun was shaking Yohan's shoulder. For the first time in a few seemingly endless minutes, Yohan felt a sense of calm relief wash over him. He didn't know who Wooseok was talking about but somehow it didn't feel like that mattered. Maybe he was talking about Hangyul, or Yohan, or Seungyoun. Maybe he meant all three of them. 

"Why don't we just drive Yohan home for now?", Wooseok continued and Yohan could feel where he squeezed Seungyoun's hand reassuringly. 

When Seungyoun opened his mouth to counter something he quickly added: "We will check on Hangyul right after that." 

Cho Seungyoun never put up much of a fight when it came to something Wooseok proposed but his willingness was more resigned than admiring now. Trust was surprisingly hard to come by for someone as widely loved as Seungyoun but he would have to grant it to Wooseok right then and there. His gaze flicked back to the end of the street where Hangyul had just disappeared one more time. 

"Fine", he agreed with a sigh and let go of Yohan, "let's get you home and into bed. You look like you could use some sleep after whatever the hell just happened." 

It was obvious that he didn't like being left without any sort of explanation but he didn't press on and Yohan was grateful for that. When they walked towards Seungyoun's car and the bass of the club music faded away he remembered to breathe again.

"I don't understand what got into him", Seungyoun said to Wooseok who was sitting in the front passenger seat next to him, "Hangyul would never intentionally hurt anyone."

His eyes stayed on the road and he pretended those words were meant for only Wooseok but it was obvious that Yohan, who was sitting in the back seat and hadn't said another word after briefly recounting the situation, was supposed to hear them. The streets passing by the windows of Seungyoun's car were starting to look familiar to Yohan the closer they came to the university grounds.

"Hangyul usually doesn't even get angry", Seungyoun continued unprompted and even while Yohan tried to force all of his attention on the surroundings flying by outside he could hear the worry lacing through Seungyoun's curious attempts to figure out what had happened. But even if Yohan had wanted to tame his only slowly ebbing away emotions and explain anything, he didn't think he could.  
All three men in the car stayed quiet for a while and only Wooseok reacted when he placed his hand sympathetically above Seungyoun's on the gearshift between them.

The engine of the car stuttered to a halt when they arrived at the public parking area in front of Yohan's dorm building. He checked his phone one more time to see a reassuring text from Yuvin who had left the nightclub with Sejin to take a walk under the stars. Yohan's chest didn't feel as tight anymore when he pocketed his phone again and opened the door of Seungyoun's car. The anger he had felt earlier, albeit not completely gone, wasn't as prominent anymore and he felt more irriated and exhausted than anything as he stepped out onto the driveway. Seungyoun's smile was both kind and a little sad when Yohan turned around to face him one more time before he left for his dorm. The window of the car he had already opened with the silent hope that Yohan wouldn't leave without saying goodbye.

"Thanks for driving me home", Yohan said and leaned closer so he could see Wooseok in the next seat too. As if the two had just casually decided to drop him off on their way to Seungyoun's place.

"And I'm sorry", he added without any context. He didn't feel apologetic for any of his behaviour that night and yet his gratefulness towards Seungyoun and Wooseok was all-encompassing. It was like he apologized for everything and nothing at once.

"Just trust me", Seungyoun said like it was the easiest thing in the world and maybe it was, "Hangyul would never want to hurt someone he cares about."

The truth was hanging somewhere in the air between them. The unspoken hint Seungyoun put out into the open like that. But Yohan was too caught up in his own mind to hold onto it before it escaped into the night.

It took almost a full week for Yohan to admit that something was bothering him. Until then he had succesfully managed to deny any troublesome thoughts, even when Yuvin had called him out on his strange mood multiple times. Refusing to acknowledge his feelings however did not mean those thoughts weren't there, trying to edge into his consciousness and catch him off guard so he would finally have to deal with them. Yohan could only hold them back for so long.

"Anything interesting on your phone?"

Yohan's head snapped up from how it had been bent downwards to look at his phone screen. Seungwoo was standing next to him with a curious look on his face. The two of them were currently waiting for Jinhyuk, who was in a discussion with one of his professors, before they could head to lunch together.

"You've been staring at it for a while now", Seungwoo continued and pointed at the phone in Yohan's hands. Yohan considered his answer for a while and - nothing. There was nothing interesting on his phone. And that was precisely what was bothering him. Within the past two days Yohan had taken the initiative and actually actively took part in their friends' groupchat. The Spooky Squad. For the second day in a row now, Yohan had asked if anyone wanted to meet up and have lunch together. Most of them agreed enthusiastically, thrilled to see Yohan finally open up to them. Not all of them did. The contact Hangyul, Lee hadn't shown up even once in reply to his messages.  
And Yohan pretended that he didn't notice it. But maybe, he thought as he put away his phone and tried not to let his disappointment show when he turned to Seungwoo. Maybe this was how Hangyul had felt when he said Yohan should reply in their groupchat from time to time.

"It's...", Yohan started and fully intended to continue with the word nothing. But when he looked at Seungwoo again lying suddenly seemed very much pointless. Trustworthy, ever supportive Seungwoo. He was already looking back at Yohan with a knowing smile. Yohan wasn't the type to open up about his thoughts and feelings, barely allowed Yuvin to know when something was on his mind. And yet he had the urge to confide in Seungwoo who probably hardly even considered him a friend.

"I think I upset someone", Yohan finally continued with the truth, "and I don't know if it's my responsibility to try and fix it."

"A friend?", Seungwoo asked curiously but in a gentle voice that almost got lost in the sound of a group of people walking by in the hallway.

For a moment the question unsettled Yohan, made him worry that Seungwoo would somehow figure out what he was talking about. But unless Seungyoun and Wooseok had told him about the events at the nightclub there was no way for Seungwoo to even know about it. Yohan took a controlled breath. Trust wasn't something he gave away easily but he wanted to believe that Seungyoun and Wooseok deserved it.

"Just someone I know", he corrected Seungwoo's assumption. Not because he was trying to be vague however. He simply did not know how to describe the relationship Hangyul and he had. That was an entirely different question he refused to deal with for now.

"You could say I got into somewhat of a fight with this person", Yohan kept talking before his courage failed him again. The images of Hangyul's hurt face were clawing their way back into his consciousness. If he closed his eyes now he could count Hangyul's eyelashes in a freeze frame of his memory.

Seungwoo waited patiently for him to go on.

"But I don't feel like I should have to apologize for how I reacted", Yohan confessed eventually and hoped that Seungwoo would not judge him for it.

Because really, Yohan didn't feel bad for how he had acted in that situation. Despite everything he had tried to do his best in a situation that Hangyul had taken out of his control. The only thing he truly regretted was failing to hold Hangyul back before he got hurt at all.

"Then you don't owe anyone an apology. But maybe an explanation would be worth it", Seungwoo suggested empathetically, "do they know why you reacted like that?"

And Yohan's mind went blank. Because of course he didn't know. Hangyul had no chance of knowing what had really made Yohan so angry and uncomfortable that night. Neither could he himself understand what Hangyul might have been thinking when he saw Yohan's sudden messages in the groupchat.  
All his life Yohan had been friendly and close with many people but even then, only few really knew him. Maybe this one time Hangyul deserved to be the exception.

When he finally found Hangyul his lunch break was already almost over. He was walking by a row of classrooms, a fairly big group of students surrounding him. Yohan thought he recognized a guy called Sihun from the halloween fair but he wasn't sure he could pick him out in this group of people. And if Yohan considered everything this really was a sight that shouldn't have surprised him. Easy-going, funny and beautiful Lee Hangyul. It only made sense that people were naturally drawn to him. After all, Yohan was there looking for him too.

"Yohan!", Hangyul called out just as Yohan was about to turn around and leave, convinced that Hangyul had simply had other people he would rather spend lunch with than himself.  
The smile on his face when he looked back at Hangyul was forced, but softened involuntarily when he noticed the genuine look of confusion.

"I...just wanted to talk to you for a second", Yohan gestured at the group of students around them awkwardly and cursed himself inwardly for stuttering. Now was not the time to be intimidated, neither by a bunch of strangers nor by Hangyul himself.

"Of course", Hangyul replied quickly but his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Yohan wished he knew what was holding it back.

And when Hangyul stepped forward to walk down the corridor by his side, Yohan could hear the other students whisper about them as their voices faded into the distance.

The silence that followed when they were alone outside in the rather cold november air was so unlike their past encounters that Yohan almost thought he preferred awkwardly waking up on Hangyul's shoulder.

"Does it still hurt?", Yohan gave in and asked when the silence stretched on. He pointed to Hangyul's right eye which was still circled by a dark shadow, but dropped his hand quickly again when he realized how close they were standing.

"Oh this?", Hangyul replied with a question as if he had already forgotten all about his injury, "I'm alright."

"It's been almost a week and it's still not fully healed."

"Really, I'm okay", Hangyul repeated with more emphasis and Yohan wanted to believe him. If only to calm the ridiculous feelings of worry that were starting to cloud his mind.

"You didn't want to have lunch with us?", Yohan decided to ask instead, a harmless question out of context but loaded with implications in their case.

"I wasn't sure everyone would be happy to see me."

"I wouldn't have asked in the groupchat if I didn't want you there", Yohan got startled by his own honesty.

"Maybe next time one of us wants to say something we shouldn't do it through that groupchat", Hangyul's amused smile was genuine now but the small laugh he let out sounded weak, like he didn't dare or want to make light of this conversation.

The clock that was hanging over the side entrance to the building showed that their free period was over now and there weren't many things in university that Yohan cared more about than being on time for class. Arriving late did not go well with his anxiety.  
When he drew his gaze back to Hangyul he had already forgotten all about class.

"I upset you that night", Hangyul continued much more serious then, "I didn't want to do that again."

"I'm sorry", he added after a short moment and his deep voice had never sounded so small.

And for the first time Yohan felt like he wanted to apologize too. Not for what happened at the nightclub but for making him wait in uncertainty. If Hangyul cared at all, this week might have hurt him as much as that night did Yohan.

"And I'm sorry I didn't talk to you earlier", Yohan admitted, suddenly feeling a little awkward to get so personal with someone he hadn't known for long.

"You're not mad at me anymore?", Hangyul's head perked up with an expression of fragile hope, "because I punched that guy?"

"I wasn't upset that this guy got punched", Yohan tried to hold back a bitter laugh, "honestly he deserved it."

"But I don't like it when people act on my behalf. When they make decisions for me because I look like I can't handle anything myself", he continued and even if he wanted to stop now he didn't think he could, "I should have been the one to decide what I want or don't want to do in that situation."

Hangyul looked smaller somehow, like there was something heavy weighing down on his shoulders.

"And you got hurt", Yohan added in a softer voice but didn't even attempt to explain what he was feeling when he looked at Hangyul's injured face. It gnawed on his insides and scratched at his heart. He hoped desperately that Hangyul would understand with just these few words because Yohan himself could not.

"I only wanted to help", Hangyul finally spoke up again and despite his words it didn't sound defensive or accusatory. Just a little sad and laced with an emotion Yohan couldn't recognize. He didn't know Hangyul well enough to tell apart every single emotion mirrored in his expression, read his thoughts from his lips even when they remained closed. And to his own surprise he found himself wishing that he could.

"I know that", Yohan replied because not once he had doubted Hangyul's intentions, "but I didn't ask for it."

"I am genuinely sorry for overstepping those boundaries", Hangyul repeated his apology more genuine and meaningful now that he could understand what he was really apologizing for.

"I don't usually go around punching people", he said in a voice that was much closer to his usual cheery self and Yohan could see him physically straighten up again, "even if they might deserve it."

Yohan couldn't hold back a smile at the change in Hangyul's behaviour. Whether it was out of relief or at the ridiculousness of this whole scene he didn't know and didn't care. He had learned a while ago that it was harder not to smile when Lee Hangyul was around.

"But would you do it?", Hangyul asked one more question and the way he tried to act casual made the question seem anything but random.

"Would I do what?", Yohan countered a little confused.

"Ask for my help when you do need it."

This question shouldn't have caught Yohan completely off-guard but it did. Maybe because no one had ever openly asked it before. Yohan never allowed himself to think about asking for help, too scared of too many possible outcomes to even consider it. And maybe he was afraid that if he admitted to needing help no one would be there to offer it.  
But Hangyul was right there. Standing in front of him and offering it so generously. So eager to help that he had gotten hurt in the process and still apologized for not considering Yohan's feelings.

Yohan took a moment to find his answer and when Hangyul just kept waiting patiently, he finally said it out loud: "I think I might try."

It was all he could promise in that moment. Hangyul smiled at him like it was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll be honest with u with a terror attack in my city, a global pandemic and online university taking up all my time writing hasnt been my main priority in early 2020.. but if you're still here reading this i appreciate u lots and i hope you're all staying safe and happy!! hopefully this chapter could make at least one person smile during these strange times
> 
> this chapter was a little more heavy because the story needed some character development but! if u think i dealt with any of the themes wrong pls let me know!! its very important to me that I dont upset anyone with my writing  
pls let me know any other thoughts u have about the story too!! u dont know how many times i reread old comments in these past months
> 
> i hope you're having a good day/night <3 (also yes knk's sunset deserves to be a gay club anthem thanks stan knk)

**Author's Note:**

> honestly i havent written or posted anything in like a year so pls be kind! and definitely let me know if you'd like to read the other chapters i'd have in mind for this  
kudos and comments are what might keep me writing so pls leave some if u want <3  
have a nice day/night!
> 
> also idk who needs this reminder but half of x1 are minors who should neither be sexualized nor shipped with adults. all fictional works around real life people just see them as inspiration for characters! thanks thats all
> 
> p.p.s english isnt my first language so feel free to call me out on any mistakes


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